In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Children are told that if they try hard enough
then
they can success
in some cultures. I think it depends on the thing they Replace the word
succeed
work
on also
the situation they are in, so it is good to try hard but Correct word choice
and also
think
Wrong verb form
thinking
throughly
is far more important before we Correct your spelling
thoroughly
work
so hard on something.
In my opinion, people can get what they want by working hard on it, such
as study
hard to get a good score and Wrong verb form
studying
parctice
more before Correct your spelling
practice
practise
we
Correct pronoun usage
they
got
Wrong verb form
get
the
Change the word
their
drive
license. Change noun form
drive's
Study
all the materials we have and Wrong verb form
Studying
make
sure we have done all the questions when we Wrong verb form
making
were
students can lead us to high scores, Wrong verb form
are
also
practice
driving skills before the license test is the way that Wrong verb form
practising
make
us pass it. Trying hard enough is what makes us successful in our Change the verb form
makes
life
most of the time.
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
However
, in some situations, trying hard is not the right thing to do to achieve our goal. First of all, we have to know ourselves better and choose the correct thing to work
on, it would be terroble
if someone who Correct your spelling
terrible
got
talent Verb problem
has
on
math Change preposition
in
choose
to learn Chinese. Wrong verb form
chose
Next,
the method we take is the other important thing we need to make sure. No matter how hard we try, it is impossible to arrive at the final if we swim rather than run on the land. Choose
the correct Wrong verb form
Choosing
tning
and the right method are important for us to make it to our goal.
I believe it is important to try hard to achieve the goal, but it did not Correct your spelling
training
work
well in some circumantances
, so Correct your spelling
circumstances
make
sure what is the situation and knowing ourselves better are the things we should Wrong verb form
making
tought
to our children.Correct your spelling
taught
Submitted by 10youting01 on
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Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and presents both advantages and disadvantages of telling children they can achieve anything by trying hard. However, a clearer structure of your arguments would improve readability. Consider making separate paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be stronger. Aim to summarize the main points in the conclusion to emphasize your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on grammatical accuracy and spelling to enhance clarity. For instance, 'success' should be 'succeed,' 'parctice' should be 'practice,' 'terroble' should be 'terrible,' and 'circumantances' should be 'circumstances.'
Task Achievement
You provided relevant examples, like studying hard to get good scores and practicing driving to illustrate your points.
Task Achievement
Your essay shows a clear understanding of the topic and offers balanced arguments for both sides.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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