Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Nowadays, people are too obsessed with buying or acquiring material things such as expensive clothes or cars because, they think that people around them will judge them based on what they possess.

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In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

contemporary era, most
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are more obsessed with buying expensive materials
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

ad
Correct your spelling
as

The word ad doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
clothes or cars because they think that
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

around them will judge them based on what they possess. I
a
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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strongly agree with
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

statement.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay
Add a comma
essay,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase in this essay. Consider adding a comma.

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I will discuss the reasons why they like to do
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

. The
Frist
Correct your spelling
First

The word Frist doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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reason is following famous
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. They
influence
Wrong verb form
are influenced

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb influence. Consider changing it.

show examples
from
Change preposition
by

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
these
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

because they follow their social media accounts and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
want to be like them. They think all famous individuals in
socail
Correct your spelling
social

If you don’t want socail to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

media are glad when they are buying expensive products.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, if they saw the trends of

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task response
Ensure you fully develop your main points with clear and specific examples to enhance your argument.
coherence
Try to use a well-structured introduction and conclusion to frame your essay effectively.
cohesion
Work on improving your grammatical accuracy and lexical resource for clear communication.
task response
You have confidently expressed your opinion on the topic.
task response
Your essay shows engagement with current societal issues, which is relevant to the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • material wealth
  • social media influence
  • advertising
  • high-end products
  • better lifestyle
  • peer pressure
  • societal norms
  • luxury items
  • financial strain
  • personal growth
  • temporary satisfaction
  • long-term happiness
  • fulfillment
What to do next:
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