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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The charts below show the proportion of people’s total spending in a particular European country was spent on different commodities and services in 1958 and in 2008.

The charts below show the proportion of people’s total spending in a particular European country was spent on different commodities and services in 1958 and in 2008.
#show #proportion #people’s #european #country #commodities #services
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The pie charts compare the total amount of
money
Use synonyms
 by citizens on various items and facilities in a special European state between 1958 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the primary amount of the budget was spent on clothing in 1958,
whereas
Linking Words
 housing took the second place.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, in 2008, the most spent commodity was housing among people.
To begin
Linking Words
, we can notice that the primary aspect in which individuals invested plenty sum of cash was clothing consisting of 32% of the whole pie,
whereas
Linking Words
 the proportion of wasted
money
Use synonyms
 on both luxury goods and food was approximately the same with just respectively 7% and 8% in 1958.
Moreover
Linking Words
, citizens enjoyed spending about 22% of their
money
Use synonyms
 on housing aspects. The travel and transport services required only 13% of the whole budget, and the entertainment consisted of just 18%. In 2008, it is noticeable that people decided to invest 32% of the budget on housing services and only 12% on clothing.
Likewise
Linking Words
, the total amount of finance was the same
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 food and luxury by 17%,
whereas
Linking Words
 just 8% of the whole
money
Use synonyms
 was invested in travel commodities, which is twice less than
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 entertainment which had only 16%.
Submitted by talgattan4ez on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words money with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • expenditure
  • commodities
  • services
  • necessities
  • luxury goods
  • trends
  • significant changes
  • expenditure
  • housing and utilities
  • summarize
  • highlight
  • primary trends
  • fifty-year period
  • economic growth
  • technological advancements
  • societal values
  • analyze
  • observe
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