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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram below shows the floor plan of a public library 20 years ago and how it looks now. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the floor plan of a public library 20 years ago and how it looks now. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#floor #plan #library #years #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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This
Linking Words
 diagram compares the floor design of a public library
in
Change preposition
apply
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20 years ago with
in
Change preposition
apply
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the present.
Overall
Linking Words
, it experienced several changes, ranging from relocation,
removal
Correct word choice
and removal
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 to construction of new facilities. Focusing first on the top left side, games using electronic devices
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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exist
while
Linking Words
 there are several sofas and some facilities for children.
In addition
Linking Words
, on the middle left,
adult
Correct article usage
the adult
show examples
 fiction
books
Use synonyms
 area was relocated to the opposite
site
Correct your spelling
side
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. At present,
computer
Add an article
the computer
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 room is newly constructed in the bottom left.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 tables and chairs were removed during
this
Linking Words
 period.
Next,
Linking Words
a children’s
books
Use synonyms
 room was converted into a lecture room.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in the centre right, there are a lot of things now,
however
Linking Words
, there
was
Change the verb form
were
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 only adult non-fiction
books
Use synonyms
 in the past.
Latsly
Correct your spelling
Lastly
, in the bottom right,
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 enquiry desk area, where users could obtain tickets and return
books
Use synonyms
, was changed into a spacious cafe.
Submitted by rintaro1746 on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words books with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "present" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • floor plan
  • public library
  • layout
  • reading area
  • computer station
  • multimedia section
  • children's area
  • reference section
  • study cubicles
  • shelving units
  • digital media
  • technological advancements
  • user behavior
  • accessibility
  • traffic flow
  • modernization
  • community needs
  • conversion
  • allocation
  • removal
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