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Writing Samples
Band 5

In education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder? Is it always a good thing to work hard?

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Some people in education and employment
work
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 harder than others.They believe that it is the fastest way to be more successful than their opponents ,
however
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, not keeping the
balance
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 between
rest
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 and
work
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 may hurt anyone. It is obvious that almost everyone believes that working hard is the only way to success.In
this
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 case,it follows the simple rule, if you
work
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 more than others ,as a rule, you will get more than others.Surely,everyone heard that back when they were little child, from parents and especially from our school teachers,so
this
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 mindset stuck in our brains since childhood.
For instance
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, in order to get good grades in school, many children,especially in conservative Asia countries ,spend their time mostly
on
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apply
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studying
instead
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 of resting and living their best
while
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 they are young.
However
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, it is good to study or
work
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 hard as long as it hurts you and damages your mental health.Many students and employees in the world
burns
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burn
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 out and get stressed because of not keeping the
balance
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 between
rest
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 and whether it is
work
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 or studying.
For example
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 ,when
i
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I
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 was young,
i
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I
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 spent 8 hours
striaght
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straight
untile
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until
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 midnight preparing for the exam and,
as a result
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, I got a lower score than my classmates,which was really
surpising
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surprising
 because I believed that I studied more than them.
This
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 situation made me realize that even if you are working hard,
but
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apply
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 without
balance
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 between it and
rest
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 ,it will eventually affect you negatively. In conclusion, I want to say that working hard for educational or
work
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 purposes is good as long as you keep a
balance
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 between
rest
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 and
work
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.

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task achievement
Try to provide more varied examples and deeper analysis to better support your main points.
coherence cohesion
Maintain consistency in grammar and punctuation throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which help to frame your essay effectively.
task achievement
Your points are generally clear and you have provided some relevant examples.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Genetic predisposition
  • Work ethic
  • Upbringing
  • Cultural values
  • Ambitions
  • Motivated
  • Fear of failure
  • Competitive nature
  • Overworking
  • Burnout
  • Stress-related health issues
  • Productivity
  • Quality of life
  • Healthy balance
  • Long-term productivity
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