IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices oneveryday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In
this
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 age of change, there has been much dispute over whether allowing
children
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 to make their own choices every day which help to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Others believe that it is important for
children
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 to make
decisions
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 about matters that affect them.
While
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 it has been accepted that making
decisions
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 by themselves will affect their
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
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 and thoughts.
Firstly
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, letting
kids
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 make their own
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
 helps them build their confidence.
For instance
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, there are studies showing that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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parents who allow their
children
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 to make
decisions
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 by themselves help the
kids
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 build their own confidence. These
kids
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 are more willing to speak out their thoughts and ideas.
In addition
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,
children
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 make choices separately to improve their receptivity.
Such
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 as if they make the wrong decision by themselves, they can't be blamed by anyone because they make the choice.
However
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, the
children
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 can't make all the
decisions
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. They have to accept the advice from other people who care about them.
such
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 as parents, teachers,
friends
Correct word choice
and friends
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. They cannot be isolated, the kind reminder from the people who care about them will help them out of the puzzles and troubles.
Lastly
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, make the truly right decision which is good for their lives. In conclusion, both views are well founded.
However
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, I believe that letting
kids
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 make their own
decisions
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 is a good thing which helps them build their confidence and improve their receptivity, but
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
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 cannot refuse the advice of the people who love
you
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 and care about
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, consider elaborating on the arguments being presented. You can include more reasoning and expand on why you hold the opinion you do. Consider supporting these points with specific examples or evidence.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Signal words and phrases can assist in connecting ideas better. Also, ensure that each paragraph has a distinct main idea in support of your position.
task achievement
The essay presents both views and provides a conclusion with the writer's own opinion, achieving a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets up the topic and presents the question for discussion.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates an effort to provide reasoning behind allowing children to make their own decisions, including examples of building confidence and receptivity.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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