Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices oneveryday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
#people #children #choices #oneveryday #matters #food #clothes #entertainment #society #individuals #decisions
With the development of family relationships, nowadays we are focusing more and more attention on the education of
children
, Correct word choice
and practicing
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
children
's independence has also
become a significant topic.
One thinks parents
should manage their children
's food, clothes and entertainment, arrange
Correct word choice
and arrange
to
them do everything. Change preposition
for to
The
Others think Correct article usage
apply
parents
should let their children
make decisions on their own, including what to eat, what to wear, what time and how to entertain.
The first point of view satisfies the most of parents
' demand
. Every parent hopes their Fix the agreement mistake
demands
children
will be a good guys
, not only Correct the article-noun agreement
a good guy
good guys
think
about their own wishes but Wrong verb form
thinking
also
think
about Wrong verb form
thinking
surroundings
. The second point of view means that Correct pronoun usage
their surroundings
children
should make decisions by themselves when they are young, and their parents
will respect their arrangement and do
not prevent it most of the Unnecessary verb
apply
most
time.
For me, I support Correct quantifier usage
apply
to
the second point of view. Change preposition
apply
Children
decisive on their own when they are young can educate their ability to be independent and insistant
. They can arrange their food and clothes when they are young so that they can arrange their major, study and work. They will not be afraid or frightened when they face Correct your spelling
insistent
with
an important decision.
I used to decide my little things when I was a child, just like what to wear today, Change preposition
apply
practicing
writing after lunch or going swimming at night, so I Change the spelling
practising
also
can decide my subject choice by myself when I am
studying in senior high school. These small challenges make me feel more confident that I can do everything well, so I adapt to my college life quickly when I am a freshman.
Wrong verb form
was
Last
but not the
least, I hope every child can try to make decisions on small things, and make them bigger and bigger.Correct article usage
apply
Submitted by fiasngs on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from a clearer structure and development of ideas. Try to establish a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your discussion. For example, you can state the topic in the introduction, briefly mention both views, give a detailed discussion in body paragraphs, and then summarize in the conclusion.
task achievement
Some ideas need more elaboration and explanation. Try to provide more detailed examples or reasons to support your points. This will help make your arguments more convincing.
language
Watch out for minor grammatical and lexical errors. While they do not significantly impact understanding, eliminating them will help make your writing clearer and more precise.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples from your own experience, which makes your argument more relatable and engaging.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both viewpoints and offers a personal opinion, demonstrating a good understanding of the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint and adds a hopeful note for the future, which is positive and engaging.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.