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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three diffrent countries. Summarise the information by selection and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three diffrent countries. Summarise the information by selection and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.
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The line graph illustrates the proportion of people aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
First,
Linking Words
in 1940,
Country
Use synonyms
 A had the highest proportion of elderly people at around 9%,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
country
Capitalize word
Country
show examples
B
Use synonyms
 and
Country
Use synonyms
C
Use synonyms
 had lower percentages at approximately 7% and 5%. The proportions remained relatively stable until about 1960. From 1960 onward, the percentages began to rise more noticeably, unlike
Country
Use synonyms
 A and
B
Use synonyms
,
Country
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
C
Change noun form
C's
show examples
 elderly population decreased slightly
at
Change preposition
from
show examples
 around 1960 until 1980, but
then
Linking Words
 increased significantly afterwards.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant decrease happened in
Country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 in 1980 and 2000, with approximately 13% and 18%. Considered a decrease because
Country
Use synonyms
 A and
Country
Use synonyms
C
Use synonyms
 don’t experience the drop like
Country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, even though
Country
Use synonyms
 A is stable
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the year 1980 until 2020, all three countries are projected to see a sharp increase in the proportion of people aged 65 and over from 2020 onwards. With
Country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 and
Country
Use synonyms
C
Use synonyms
expected
Add a missing verb
are expected
show examples
 to reach 25-27% by 2040.
Country
Use synonyms
 A is
also
Linking Words
 predicted to see a significant increase, surpassing 20% by 2040. In conclusion, the graph shows that the elderly population is set to grow substantially in all three countries, particularly in the period 2020 to 2040.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words country, b, c with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 3 times.
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