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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarize the information by selection and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarize the information by selection and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#proportion #population #three #countries #information #selection #features #comparisons
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The following line graph depicts the
amount
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number
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 of people
in
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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age
Replace the word
aged
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of
Change preposition
apply
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65 and over between the
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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 1940 and 2040 in three countries, which is
Japan
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,
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USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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, and Sweden. The column shows the
year
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 and the rows provide the
percentage
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.
First,
Linking Words
there are 2 countries which experienced a general increase in the
percentage
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 of people over the age
65
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of 65
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 to around 15% by the
year
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 1980 from
it’s
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its
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 former state of 7.5% to 10%. These two countries later contrasted between the
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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 2000 and 2020 as the
USA
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 had
stagnant
Correct article usage
a stagnant
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 flow in the people’s
percentage
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 at 15%,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
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 Sweden had an incline in the number of percentages adding up to 20% by 2020. Despite
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USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 and Sweden’s incline,
Japan
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 had a decreasing number of percentages ranging from the
year
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 1940 to 1980, with it having 3% by 1960 to 1980. It
increases
Wrong verb form
increased
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 to
it’s
Replace the word
its
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 former state by 5% in 2000, and went drastically high by the
year
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 2020 up to 10%.
Japan
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 have the highest
percentage
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 by the
year
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 2040 with 27% of
it’s
Replace the word
its
show examples
 population
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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aged 65 or higher. In conclusion, Sweden and
USA
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has
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have
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 similar
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percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
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 throughout the timeline, despite having an intervention between the two in the
year
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 2000.
Japan
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on the other hand
Linking Words
 had a low
percentage
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 in the early years but went up
at the end
Linking Words
 and had the highest
percentage
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 at 27%.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words year, japan, usa, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 9 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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