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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below gives information about student enrolments at Manchester University in 1937, 1967 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below gives information about student enrolments at Manchester University in 1937, 1967 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The graph displays the
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 enrolled at Manchester University in the years 1937,1967, 2017.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of enrollments
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
show examples
 to increase year after year. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of female
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 overseas
increase
Wrong verb form
has increased
show examples
 abruptly in the
last
Linking Words
 year. The enrollment of men dramatically dropped
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
last
Linking Words
 50 years. In 1937, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 started with 327 enrollments, from there to 2017 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 significantly increased to have in 2017 6254
students
Use synonyms
. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of women initiated in 1937 with 45% dropped
10
Change preposition
to 10
show examples
% in 1967 and went up
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 20 % in 2017 with 55% of enrollments. The proportion of
students
Use synonyms
 overseas was 6% in 1937 and increased the
percentage
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the
enroll
Replace the word
enrollment
show examples
 of
students
Use synonyms
 from 102 different countries reaching 32 %. The proportion of men
students
Use synonyms
 was in 1937 55%, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 grew 10% in 1967 and dramatically dropped to 45% in 2017. The same happened with
students
Use synonyms
 living nearly 40 miles
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 Manchester, started
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1937
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 55%
however
Linking Words
, throughout the years significantly got down to just below 2% in 2017.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, students, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enrolment numbers
  • increase/decrease in student numbers
  • post-war baby boom
  • globalization
  • technological advancement
  • education accessibility
  • demographic changes
  • overseas students
  • gender representation in education
  • international reputation
  • higher education
  • university capacity
  • social factors
  • economic influences
  • political factors
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