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Band 5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #competition #work #school #life
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Some individuals compete in different aspects of their
life
such
 as occupation, education, and normal
life
while
 others prefer to collaborate with people. Both
prospective
Correct your spelling
perspectives
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 require careful examination, which we will discuss here.
Firstly
, the opponents of contesting point out
if
Correct word choice
that if
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 the members of companies cooperate together, most of
issues
Add an article
the issues
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 will be resolved briskly. Because the members acclimatized to spend more time
for
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apply
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deliberating on issues, which means there are
less
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fewer
show examples
 chances for errors.
Moreover
, when children participate in teams, develop their competencies via peer learning.
That is
, throughout the projects, they observe how their friends face
to
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apply
show examples
various problems, and tackle them through problem-solving, planning, and other skills.
Lastly
, routine
life
 will be more enjoyable for family members.
For example
, my friend’s parents have been sharing their ideas, and planning together for recreational activities of children.
On the other hand
, supporters of that idea argue that in competitions, children will be prepared for
real
Add a hyphen
real-life
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life
 situations.
For example
, in Iran, there is a high-level competition for entering the
top ranked
Add a hyphen
top-ranked
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 universities, and a small number of students can accept there.
Furthermore
, if
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
work
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works
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 in
competitional
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the competitional
a competitional
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 environment, the
work-efficiency
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work efficiency
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 will be increased considerably. In fact, employees should remove kinds of mental distractors to concentrate on functions completely so that to progress as much as other colleagues. As a
last
 point,
this
 atmosphere
encourage
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encourages
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person
Add an article
the person
a person
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 to expand their comfort zone.
Due to
 the fact that
,
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apply
show examples
 individuals avoid the predictable occasions to improve their abilities by experiencing the different challenges. In conclusion, I feel that the stronger argument is in
favor
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favour
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 of taking the
competitional
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competitive
show examples
 situation apart with all negative options.
However
, some people might counter the challenges, it provides opportunities
to
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for
show examples
 improvement
,
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apply
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 and success in future.
Submitted by raha.roham1994 on

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task achievement
The essay addresses both views and provides a clear opinion; however, it needs more comprehensive ideas and examples to fully support the argument. Make sure to delve deeper into each point to make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
There are some areas that lack clear linkage and logical flow, which slightly affects the readability. Using transition words and phrases more effectively can help maintain a smooth and coherent structure.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction successfully outlines the topic and sets up the discussion of both views, providing a clear roadmap for the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a clear stance on the issue, which helps to reinforce the author's opinion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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