IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some individuals compete in different aspects of their
life
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as occupation, education, and normal
life
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others prefer to collaborate with people. Both
prospective
Correct your spelling
perspectives
show examples
 require careful examination, which we will discuss here.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the opponents of contesting point out
if
Correct word choice
that if
show examples
 the members of companies cooperate together, most of
issues
Add an article
the issues
show examples
 will be resolved briskly. Because the members acclimatized to spend more time
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
deliberating on issues, which means there are
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 chances for errors.
Moreover
Linking Words
, when children participate in teams, develop their competencies via peer learning.
That is
Linking Words
, throughout the projects, they observe how their friends face
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
various problems, and tackle them through problem-solving, planning, and other skills.
Lastly
Linking Words
, routine
life
Use synonyms
 will be more enjoyable for family members.
For example
Linking Words
, my friend’s parents have been sharing their ideas, and planning together for recreational activities of children.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, supporters of that idea argue that in competitions, children will be prepared for
real
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 situations.
For example
Linking Words
, in Iran, there is a high-level competition for entering the
top ranked
Add a hyphen
top-ranked
show examples
 universities, and a small number of students can accept there.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
work
Change the verb form
works
show examples
 in
competitional
Add an article
the competitional
a competitional
show examples
 environment, the
work-efficiency
Correct your spelling
work efficiency
show examples
 will be increased considerably. In fact, employees should remove kinds of mental distractors to concentrate on functions completely so that to progress as much as other colleagues. As a
last
Linking Words
 point,
this
Linking Words
 atmosphere
encourage
Change the verb form
encourages
show examples
person
Add an article
the person
a person
show examples
 to expand their comfort zone.
Due to
Linking Words
 the fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 individuals avoid the predictable occasions to improve their abilities by experiencing the different challenges. In conclusion, I feel that the stronger argument is in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of taking the
competitional
Replace the word
competitive
show examples
 situation apart with all negative options.
However
Linking Words
, some people might counter the challenges, it provides opportunities
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 improvement
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and success in future.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay addresses both views and provides a clear opinion; however, it needs more comprehensive ideas and examples to fully support the argument. Make sure to delve deeper into each point to make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
There are some areas that lack clear linkage and logical flow, which slightly affects the readability. Using transition words and phrases more effectively can help maintain a smooth and coherent structure.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction successfully outlines the topic and sets up the discussion of both views, providing a clear roadmap for the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a clear stance on the issue, which helps to reinforce the author's opinion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
Look at other essays: