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Band 5

The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads. Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#first #car #british #roads #year #million #vehicles #alternative #forms #transport #laws #control #ownership
It is considered that
Correct article usage
the internatinal
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internatinal
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international
government
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governments
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 should support other types of
transort
Correct your spelling
transport
 and insert new laws that would control
car
ownership
 and use. I
fuuly
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fully
 agree with
this
 statement and think that new ways of transportation should be encouraged and
car
ownership
 must be restricted
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to at
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at
Correct your spelling
a
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 certain degree.   First of all,
downfall
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the downfall
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 of the
car
 industry would recover and
strenthen
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strengthen
 ecology because of
decrease
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the decrease
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of
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in
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 greenhouse gas
emition
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emissions
emission
. Vehicles emit large
amount
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amounts
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 of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, worsening
quality
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the quality
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 of air and leading to
problem
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the problem
a problem
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 of
a
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apply
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global warming day by day.
Nevertheless
, if other types of transport partly replace cars, it will have
positive
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a positive
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 effect on
this
 ecological situation.
For instance
, encouraging trains or metro that use electricity as fuel would have great
outcome
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outcomes
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 on our environment and citizen's health. 
Secondly
 , I think that if
car
ownership
would have
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had
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 some restrictions, especially in big cities,
then
 traffic on roads would be much
free
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more free
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. Nowadays, everyone can own
unlimited
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an unlimited
the unlimited
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number
 of cars, and if it
get
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gets
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 restrained,
number
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the number
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 of vehicles will suddenly decline. Because of the excessive
number
 of vehicles
on
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in
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 cities, roads become saturated, and it leads to long-lasting traffic
congestions
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congestion
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.
For example
, in Almaty, since
opening
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the opening
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 of the "Metropoliten" , heavy
traffics
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traffic
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became
Wrong verb form
has become
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 freer during rush hours. That's why, it is crucial to regulate
number
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a number
the number
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 of
car
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cars
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 and start to rely on alternative transportation methods. 
To conclude
 , I strongly believe that alternative
transports
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transport
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 and
car
ownership
 regulations
is
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are
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 beneficial for society
,
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apply
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 because
it
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they
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 will lead to
better
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a better
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 ecological situation and
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 traffic jams.
Submitted by IELTS nis on

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Accuracy
Try to correct small inaccuracies and typos. For example, 'insert' should be 'implement', 'I fuuly agree' should be 'I fully agree', 'gas emition' should be 'gas emission', and 'Metropoliten' should be 'Metro'. These corrections can help clarify your ideas and enhance readability.
Specificity
Try to further elaborate and give more specific, detailed examples in your essay. This will help support your arguments more effectively and showcase your ability to develop ideas comprehensively.
Introduction
Your introduction clearly states your position, which is good for the task response criterion.
Conclusion
Your essay includes a conclusion that effectively summarizes your main points, contributing to both coherence and cohesion.
Organization
You have successfully organized your essay into paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. This helps maintain a logical structure.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • reliance on
  • regulate
  • traffic congestion
  • pollution
  • public health
  • sustainable development
  • alternative forms of transport
  • car ownership
  • balancing benefits and drawbacks
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