IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children why mothers go out to work

#fathers #home #care #children #mothers #work
No one can deny that These days more
fathers
 stay at
home
 and take
care
 of their
children
while
 mothers go out to
work
. is an important issue . Where it has both positive and negative aspects. So in
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will shed
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
light on the argumentative discussions concerning the main advantages and disadvantages of These days more
fathers
 stay at
home
 and take
care
 of their
children
while
 mothers go out to
work
.  On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, many people believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fathers
Change noun form
father's
fathers'
show examples
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
 at
home
 and
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
care
 of their
children
 has many benefits. The most significant is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
stronge
Correct your spelling
strong
stronger
 relationship between
father
Correct article usage
the father
show examples
 and
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
children
anther
Correct your spelling
another
show examples
 advantage is that It is true
that is
 less pleasure for Mather to take
care
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
children
Correct article usage
the children
show examples
.
For example
 when
children
 take
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 problem the father ability to solve the problem more
Change preposition
than then
show examples
then
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
mother
 .  On the other hand , there are
also
 some
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
. The most vital is that the
mother
 not take
care
 and deal with her
children
 .
Nawday
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
 the
mother less
Correct your spelling
motherless
show examples
 the kids and lead certain
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 about them .  In conclusion no doubt to
lead
Verb problem
are
show examples
 certain differences
both
Change preposition
between both
show examples
 views and it is evident that
fathers
 stay at
home
 and take
care
 of their
children
less
Correct word choice
with fewer
show examples
 options
while
 more options mothers go out to
work
. become
nawday
Correct your spelling
nowadays
 almost everyone
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 become
mother
work
 .
Submitted by um.maktoum2014 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Lexical Resource
Work on providing more precise and varied vocabulary. This will help to better convey your ideas.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Try to form more complex sentence structures and use a variety of sentence types to improve readability.
Task Achievement
Develop your points more fully with more relevant and specific examples, and ensure you address both sides of the argument equally.
Task Achievement
You have recognized a clear issue and tried to address both positives and negatives.
Task Achievement
Your essay shows an understanding of the question and attempts to respond to it.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: