IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, youths are facing problems either in the home or school due to various reasons. This essay will discuss the problems they are facing currently and possible solutions to overcome them.

The main issues faced in the home could be a lack of parenting, and love, not supporting the ideas or decisions made by them, abusing them, and unhealthy arguments between the parents. These
problems
Use synonyms
 can lead to hating their parents, mental disturbance, and might even end up being bad figures in society like social psychopaths or cold-hearted behaviours. In a similar way, teenagers face
problems
Use synonyms
 in school too like getting bullied, and cold behaviour from the teachers.
For instance
Linking Words
, teenagers who are obese turn out to be victims here by getting bullied by peers, making fun of their looks, and
forced
Wrong verb form
forcing
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 them
cultivate
Add the particle
to cultivate
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 unhealthy practices like smoking. These might lead to childhood trauma as they grow up.
However
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, these problem needs to be addressed with appropriate yet effective solutions like creating a government committee to monitor teenage behaviour in every school, which directly reports to the government. Parents counselling once in a
while
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 with professionals. Inhabiting
such
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 practices helps to
avoid
Verb problem
prevent
show examples
 youths from being exploited.
For example
Linking Words
, teachers counselling students individually will help them to share any
problems
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 or difficulties
facing
Wrong verb form
faced
show examples
from
Change preposition
by
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 peers or in their studies. Where it can be resolved at the early stage.
To conclude
Linking Words
, there are too many
problems
Use synonyms
 faced by teenagers in their day-to-day lifestyles either at home, school, or anywhere. Carrying out the above solutions will help them avoid
such
Linking Words
 instances of being traumatized.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is elaborated with adequate detail. Try to maintain a consistent focus without digressing.
task response
Some ideas are introduced but not fully developed. Make sure to provide enough detail and explanation for each point you bring up.
coherence and cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion that frames the essay well.
task response
Effective use of specific examples, like the instance of obese teenagers facing bullying, adds depth to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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