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Band 5

Fewer and fewer people choose to ride bicycles when going outside. What do you think are the cause? What can be done to encourage people to cycle?

#people #bicycles #cycle
In generation ago, riding bicycles was considered an extremely healthy and popular activity, and in some
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
this
 is still true.
However
, in many parts of the world, there has been a sharp drop in the number of young
people
 who choose to ride bikes. I believe that the growth in the size of cities and the deterioration of the urban cycling environment are the main reasons for
this
. The government should take steps to change
this
 situation. The first reason why riding bicycles is no longer popular is
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the increase in commuting distance.
That is
 to say, with the advancement of urbanization and the expansion of cities, it seems impossible to meet the needs of
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
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 distance between the firm and home by bicycle.
Hence
, many
people
 prefer to commute by using more efficient and comfortable
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
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 like buses, subways or private cars. Another cause is that the urban cycling environment has become worse and worse. Nowadays,
bicycles
Change the noun form
bicycle
show examples
 lanes have become narrow and are even often occupied by vehicles, these all pose
the
Correct article usage
a
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 threat to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cycling safety.
Therefore
,
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
people
 will prefer cycling. It is undeniable that riding a bike is
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
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 for our physical and mental health, so measures should be taken to entice and encourage
people
 to be more active in
this
 choice
Firstly
,
government
Add an article
the government
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 can put more sharing bikes at the subway
station
Fix the agreement mistake
stations
show examples
, so that
people
 are able to ride a bike to the final destination.
In addition
, the government could
built
Change the verb form
build
be built
show examples
 special lanes for cyclists. In
this
 way, more
people
 would have the incentive to use
this
 old-fashioned way to commute.
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introduction conclusion present
Consider including a stronger conclusion that summarizes your main points and reinforces your argument. This will help solidify the essay and leave a lasting impression.
supported main points
While the main points are generally well-supported, adding more specific examples or evidence could further strengthen your arguments. For example, mentioning successful cycling programs in other cities or countries can provide a stronger case for your recommendations.
logical structure
Ensure that all sentences flow smoothly. Sometimes the transitions between ideas can feel a bit abrupt. For instance, linking sentences with connectors like 'furthermore,' 'consequently,' or 'in addition' can enhance the coherence.
complete response
Your essay addresses the task by discussing both the causes of the decline in bicycle use and proposing solutions to encourage cycling.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have clear and comprehensive ideas that are relevant to the topic. Your essay covers significant points such as urbanization, commuting distances, and safety issues.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively sets the stage for your discussion, and the proposed solutions are practical and well-aligned with the problems you identified.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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