IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Fewer and fewer people choose to ride bicycles when going outside. What do you think are the cause? What can be done to encourage people to cycle?

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In generation ago, riding bicycles was considered an extremely healthy and popular activity, and in some
countries
Add a comma
countries,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase in some countries. Consider adding a comma.

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this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 is still true.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in many parts of the world, there has been a sharp drop in the number of young
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 who choose to ride bikes. I believe that the growth in the size of cities and the deterioration of the urban cycling environment are the main reasons for
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

. The government should take steps to change
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 situation. The first reason why riding bicycles is no longer popular is
that
Correct word choice
apply

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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the increase in commuting distance.
That is
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 to say, with the advancement of urbanization and the expansion of cities, it seems impossible to meet the needs of
longer
Correct article usage
a longer

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 distance between the firm and home by bicycle.
Hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, many
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 prefer to commute by using more efficient and comfortable
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport

It seems that transports may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 like buses, subways or private cars. Another cause is that the urban cycling environment has become worse and worse. Nowadays,
bicycles
Change the noun form
bicycle

Your sentence appears to use the incorrect form of bicycles. Consider changing it to singular.

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 lanes have become narrow and are even often occupied by vehicles, these all pose
the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 threat to
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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cycling safety.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
less
Change the quantifier
fewer

It appears that the quantifier less does not fit with the countable noun people. Consider changing the quantifier or the noun.

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people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 will prefer cycling. It is undeniable that riding a bike is
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial

The word benefit doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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 for our physical and mental health, so measures should be taken to entice and encourage
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 to be more active in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 choice
Firstly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
government
Add an article
the government

The noun phrase government seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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 can put more sharing bikes at the subway
station
Fix the agreement mistake
stations

It seems that station may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, so that
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 are able to ride a bike to the final destination.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the government could
built
Change the verb form
build
be built

The verb built after the modal verb could does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

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 special lanes for cyclists. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 way, more
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 would have the incentive to use
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 old-fashioned way to commute.

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introduction conclusion present
Consider including a stronger conclusion that summarizes your main points and reinforces your argument. This will help solidify the essay and leave a lasting impression.
supported main points
While the main points are generally well-supported, adding more specific examples or evidence could further strengthen your arguments. For example, mentioning successful cycling programs in other cities or countries can provide a stronger case for your recommendations.
logical structure
Ensure that all sentences flow smoothly. Sometimes the transitions between ideas can feel a bit abrupt. For instance, linking sentences with connectors like 'furthermore,' 'consequently,' or 'in addition' can enhance the coherence.
complete response
Your essay addresses the task by discussing both the causes of the decline in bicycle use and proposing solutions to encourage cycling.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have clear and comprehensive ideas that are relevant to the topic. Your essay covers significant points such as urbanization, commuting distances, and safety issues.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively sets the stage for your discussion, and the proposed solutions are practical and well-aligned with the problems you identified.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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