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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph gives information about the usage of Facebook and Twitter in Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph gives information about the usage of Facebook and Twitter in Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line graph illustrates the average
usage
Use synonyms
 on
weekly
Correct article usage
a weekly
show examples
 basis per individual of two social media platforms,
Facebook
Use synonyms
 and
Twitter
Use synonyms
 in Australia from 2012-2016.
Overall
Linking Words
, the average
usage
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
per person using
Facebook
Use synonyms
 rose for
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 years,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, the average time of individuals using
Twitter
Use synonyms
 significantly declined for
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 years but eventually a massive rise was marked in 2016. In the initial year of 2012, both online platforms were being used
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around 20-23
times
Use synonyms
 a
week
Use synonyms
 by a single person,
however
Linking Words
 in 2013, the
usage
Use synonyms
 of
Twitter
Use synonyms
 was recorded around 11
times
Use synonyms
 a
week
Use synonyms
, and by the start of year
2014
Add a comma
2014,
show examples
 the trend touched to 10
times
Use synonyms
 a
week
Use synonyms
. A minimal rise of approx 14
times
Use synonyms
 a
week
Use synonyms
 was accounted
in
Change preposition
for in
show examples
 2015, which was still low in comparison to the time
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
per individual in terms of using
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Facebook
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
, the other platform,
Facebook
Use synonyms
, saw a steady increase in
per person
Add a hyphen
per-person
show examples
usage
Use synonyms
 by 5
times
Use synonyms
 a year, till 2014. From 2014 to 2015 the time
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
spent on
Facebook
Use synonyms
 was slightly changed from 30 to 31
times
Use synonyms
 by the end of 2015. Despite
this
Linking Words
 steady growth,
Twitter
Use synonyms
 marked a rapid growth, with users spending 35
times
Use synonyms
 a
week
Use synonyms
 in 2016.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words usage, facebook, twitter, times, week with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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