IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The graoh below shows the consumption and production of sugar in India between 2001 and 2011.

#graoh #consumption #production #sugar #india
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graph displays the number of
production
Use synonyms
 and
consumption
Use synonyms
 of sugar in India from 2001 to 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the number of
production
Use synonyms
 is
hugher
Correct your spelling
higher
 than the
consumption
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 the
consumption
Use synonyms
 was gradually increasing the
production
Use synonyms
 experienced some fluctuation for over a decade. In detail, at the beginning period, the
production
Use synonyms
 was 21,000
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
 and slightly increased in the upcoming year to 22,000
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, in the following year, it declined from 11,000 to 8,000
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
.
At the end
Linking Words
 of the period, it peaked at just above 25,000
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
. Looking specifically at the
consumption
Use synonyms
, it was at 11,000
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
 went up by 1,000
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it declined dramatically in 2006. From 2008 to 2010, the sugar intake experienced a
siginifcant
Correct your spelling
significant
 upward trend, accounting for 26,000
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by noranaldhafiri on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

relevant specific examples
Make sure to include specific data points consistently for both trends when comparing production and consumption. Mentioning figures in more detail can solidify your descriptions and improve clarity.
introduction conclusion present
Ensure your introduction and conclusion effectively summarize the entire content. The closing statement feels lacking, and an effective summary or concluding remark could increase coherence.
logical structure
Review verb tenses and word choices for accuracy. For example, 'number of production' should be 'amount of production', and 'huger' should be 'higher'. These minor corrections can clarify your message.
supported main points
The essay provides a clear overall analysis highlighting key trends, giving a good sense of general directions observed in the graph.
logical structure
The division of the essay into paragraphs helps maintain focus on specific aspects of the data, aiding the reader in understanding the comparison of production and consumption.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: