IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that teaching children at home is the best for a child’s development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. gpt

#people #children #home #child’s #development #school #gpt
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There is no denying the fact that some people believe that studying at home is more beneficial and effective for children
while
 it is
commonly
Correct article usage
a commonly
show examples
 held belief that going to
school
 is critical in
this
 essay I will demonstrate both sides and I will express my opinion.
To begin
 some people say that studying at home is more convenient
In other
words
Add a comma
words,
show examples
 we can say that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 studying at home provides time and effort parents will not spend money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 transportation and it saves time going to
school
 and back
secondly
, it is more effective to be more clear, the child will concentrate more
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the teacher because he will not be distracted by other students
thirdly
, online classes
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 more flexible
for example
, in corona pandemic it saved the educational process and it can be used in rainy days or extremely warm days.
On the other hand
 some people say that going to
school
 is better because the child will have more friends and he can build his
communicational
Replace the word
communication
show examples
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 and skills
secondly
 going to
school
 is more productive
in other words
 we can say that the teacher can see the students face to face which leads to better results
thirdly
 it can be healthier to be clear in
school
 there are a lot of activities
such
 as football which can improve the child’s performance and health and there a lot of mathematic competitions which can help the student to develop thinking skills In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that there is no right opinion but in my point of view going to
school
 is more effective and productive and it can help to learn in a better way but there is no issue
to have
Change preposition
with having
show examples
 some online classes
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 rainy days .
Submitted by amjadalsamman on

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coherence cohesion
The essay should be structured and logically organized. Each paragraph should introduce and explore a single idea in a clear manner. Try using topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are long and could be clearer if broken down into shorter, simpler sentences. This would improve readability and understanding.
task achievement
Ensure that examples and points provided are relevant and specific to the argument being made. Make sure that each point is supported by concrete reasons or examples.
task achievement
Conclude by summarizing the main points discussed and restating your opinion clearly. This helps to tie everything together and provide closure to your essay.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
A personal opinion is clearly stated in the conclusion, providing a clear stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, framing the discussion well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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