IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Write a letter to your friend who just moved to a new house letting him know about a gift you prepared for him/her a)What was the gift b)Why you chose it c)How it will be delivered

#friend #house #gift #b #c
Dear John,
Congratulation
Fix the agreement mistake
Congratulations
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 on your closing of the
brand new
Add a hyphen
brand-new
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 house. I was over the cloud when you sent me a message on social media. Myself and my wife thought to gift you a nice television for the living area.
Although
, we had other options
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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we
end
Wrong verb form
ended
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 up on
this
 wonderful
TV
 which has 55
inch
Correct your spelling
55-inch
of
Change preposition
apply
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screen and
new
Add an article
a new
the new
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 model of Toshiba.
Last
 week I was talking with your wife and she mentioned
me
Change preposition
to me
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 that you are looking for
TV
Add an article
a TV
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 for the house.
With
Change preposition
Without
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 out second thought, I went to the mall
on
Change preposition
apply
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in the evening and found that there
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 multiple
sale
Change to a plural noun
sales
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 going on
TV
.
Hence
, It is ideal for me to go with
TV
Correct article usage
the TV
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 option.
Unfortunetly
Correct your spelling
Unfortunately
, I
couldn't
Verb problem
wasn't
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 able to deliver it by myself as I have
small
Add an article
a small
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 car and it cannot fix in it.
However
, I had a talk with
store
Add an article
the store
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 manager and he said they will deliver by
Correct article usage
a third
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third party
Add a hyphen
third-party
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 courier company within 3 working days. I have given them your new home address and cell number. See you later! Your buddy, Harsh.
Submitted by uharsh308 on

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task achievement
Try to work on correcting minor grammatical errors and improving sentence structures for better clarity. For example, instead of 'Although, we had other options but we end up on this wonderful TV', you could say 'Although we had other options, we decided on this wonderful TV.'
coherence cohesion
The letter could benefit from a stronger connection between paragraphs. For example, use more transition words or phrases to guide the reader through the text seamlessly.
suitable writing tone
The letter maintains a friendly and personal tone throughout, which is well-suited for writing to a friend.
single idea per paragraph
Each paragraph covers a single idea, which helps in maintaining clarity and coherence.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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