Some people feel that playing computer games has a negative impact on children's health and social skills. Other say it can have a positive impact on their lives. Discuss both these views.
Some think that time spent on
TV
and computer
games
could be beneficial for children
, while
others think it could be detrimental. Although
children
would be able to gain more knowledge about different topics, I believe that other activities such
as playing outdoor games
would be more beneficial for the child's overall
health.
On the one hand, they would be able to enhance their intellect about multiple topics with the help of television and computer
games
. In other words
, there are multiple TV
shows which can help foster children
's cognitive development . For instance
, Japanese people allow their offspring to watch television for at least one hour a day, and as a result
, Japan has the highest number of scientists in the world. However
, in my opinion, knowledge related to these topics can be gained through other sources.
On the other hand
, playing outdoors would have a positive impact on a child's overall
well-being. This
is because if a child sits in front of the TV
and computer
for longer hours, it might create postural and other health issues. For example
, it has been observed that children
who play computer
games
and watch television for long hours have the highest risk of back-bone-related diseases at an earlier age. Therefore
, I opine that children
these activities should be avoided for a healthier life.
In conclusion, some believe that time spent on TV
and computer
-based games
could have a positive impact on young people, while
others opine that it could be detrimental. Even though the young generation could increase their knowledge about numerous areas, I opine that they could face multiple health-related issues.Submitted by minhlieu.hnd on
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task achievement
The essay effectively discusses both views of the argument and draws a clear conclusion. However, it could benefit from a more equal balance in addressing both sides of the argument. Perhaps providing additional support or counterarguments for the view that TV and computer games have positive impacts could create a more balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
While the essay follows a logical structure and includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, there could be improvements in the transitions between ideas. Ensure that each paragraph cohesively supports the overall argument. Consider using more linking devices throughout the essay to improve the fluidity of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a solid foundation for the essay. The conclusion nicely summarizes the essay’s main points and reinforces the writer's opinion.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the mention of Japan's allowance for TV watching and its link to the number of scientists, strengthens the argument and demonstrates an understanding of the topic.