Some people believe that our happiness depends on how much money we have. Others say that ‘money cannot buy happiness’. Do you think that having money is the key to happiness, or are there more important factors?
In today's contemporary world, being financially stable plays an important role in shaping society's opinion and will
also
decide whether or not an individual is leading a pleasant life
. There is a common debate where most people argue that 'money
cannot buy happiness
' whereas
others strongly believe that their
is no Replace the word
there
life
without funds. This
essay will briefly examine key factors of the former and the latter ,
and will justify the opinion with examples.
Remove the comma
apply
To begin
with , It's an undeniable fact, that monetary factors are considered to satisfy basic living necessities . Financially independet
people are capable enough to Correct your spelling
independent
fulfill
their dreams, Change the spelling
fulfil
have
an exotic lifestyle with all the comforts of the world. Correct word choice
and have
In addition
to that, after attaining financial freedom, one can buy all the materialistic things that makes
them happy. Change the verb form
make
For instance
, Every human has different
definition Add an article
a different
for
Change preposition
of
happiness
, some strongly believe that only capital gains can provide them that
sense of Add the preposition
with that
fulfillment
.
Change the spelling
fulfilment
Nevertheless
, its
a proven fact that no rich person is happy, every single human being has Replace the word
it's
it is
problems
on their plate. As a matter of fact, sadly our community thinks that money
is solution
to all their Add an article
the solution
a solution
problems
, a plethora of people who fall under the middle class
category lead a way better and decent Add a hyphen
middle-class
life
than those running for money
whole
day. Correct article usage
the whole
Moreoever
, our Correct your spelling
Moreover
anccesstors
used to live a very cheerful Correct your spelling
ancestors
life
with very less
funds and were never into complaining or whining about Change the quantifier
fewer
problems
. Youngsters these days all
are following into the rat race of getting rich without any Correct determiner usage
apply
hardwork
, causing major financial Correct your spelling
hard work
problems
and easy come easy go.
In summation, as vindicated
above, Correct your spelling
indicated
i
am for the notion that Change the capitalization
I
money
cannot buy happiness
, if you are positive and try to make the most out of every situation you can live a joyful life
without worrying about anything . Modern lifestyle has portrayed capital as the only source of happiness
and stability where as these are all bogus things to trap everybody into that vicious cycle.Submitted by pranav.dhawan28 on
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introduction
Your introduction sets the context well but could be more concise and clear. Avoid redundant phrases to enhance readability.
logical structure
Try to maintain consistency in your arguments. Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that supporting sentences directly relate to it.
evidence
Use specific examples to support your main points better. This can help in making your arguments more persuasive and comprehensive.
grammar
Avoid grammatical errors and improve sentence structures. For example, change 'capital gains can provide them that sense of fulfillment' to 'only financial gains can provide them with a sense of fulfillment.'
conclusion
The conclusion summarizes the main points well but can be made stronger. Reiterate the main ideas more clearly and avoid introducing new information.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
coherence cohesion
You use linking phrases effectively to maintain cohesion across paragraphs. For instance, phrases like 'To begin with' and 'Nevertheless' are well-placed.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.