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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
#graphs #show #survey #children #activities #first #leisure #boys #second #girls #information #features #comparisons
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The given 2 graphs
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
 information about the outcome of
Correct article usage
the questionnarie
show examples
questionnarie
Correct your spelling
questionnaire
questionnaires
, which is as to kids' spare time activities.
While
Linking Words
 the first one
related
Add a missing verb
is related
show examples
 to male kids, the second graph tells the activities
that
Linking Words
is
Change the verb form
are
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 attended by female children.
Overall
Linking Words
,
whereas
Linking Words
 computer games are the most desirable
activity
Use synonyms
 by boys, girls mostly choose to dance.
According to
Linking Words
 just over 1 in 3
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
boys, which is the
largerst
Correct your spelling
largest
 proportion, playing video games is the best leisure
activity
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 ratio is followed by basketball lovers by slightly more than a quarter. With the exception of computer games and basketball, there is no
activity
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 chosen by more than 20% of male activists. When it comes to the least chosen
activity
Use synonyms
, it is reading by
insignificant
Correct article usage
an insignificant
show examples
 percentage. Among the girl survey attendees dancing is the most popular leisure hobby by just above 25%. Reading is
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2nd place by more than 1 in 5
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
girls
unlike
Add the comma(s)
, unlike
show examples
 boys.
Finally
Linking Words
,
gymnastic
Fix the agreement mistake
gymnastics
show examples
 is the least chosen
activity
Use synonyms
 by around 10%.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "that is".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words activity with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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