The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
The given 2 graphs
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
information about the outcome of
Correct article usage
the questionnarie
show examples
questionnarie
Correct your spelling
questionnaire
questionnaires
, which is as to kids' spare time activities.
While
the first one
related
Add a missing verb
is related
show examples
to male kids, the second graph tells the activities
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
attended by female children.
Overall
,
whereas
computer games are the most desirable
activity
by boys, girls mostly choose to dance.
According to
just over 1 in 3
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
boys, which is the
largerst
Correct your spelling
largest
proportion, playing video games is the best leisure
activity
.
This
ratio is followed by basketball lovers by slightly more than a quarter. With the exception of computer games and basketball, there is no
activity
that is
chosen by more than 20% of male activists. When it comes to the least chosen
activity
, it is reading by
insignificant
Correct article usage
an insignificant
show examples
percentage. Among the girl survey attendees dancing is the most popular leisure hobby by just above 25%. Reading is
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
2nd place by more than 1 in 5
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
girls
unlike
Add the comma(s)
, unlike
show examples
boys.
Finally
,
gymnastic
Fix the agreement mistake
gymnastics
show examples
is the least chosen
activity
by around 10%.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "that is".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words activity with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: