Some children spend hourse everyday on their smartphones.why is this case? Do you think is a positive or negative ?

Nowadays,
smartphones
are the most impacting
phenomena
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phenomenon
show examples
among
children
.
This
is happen
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is happening
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because
of
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apply
show examples
electronic
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the electronic
an electronic
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device
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devices
show examples
becomes the most interesting and
it
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they
show examples
reflects
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reflect
show examples
a positive side
in
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of
show examples
there
Correct your spelling
their
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life
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lives
show examples
.
In
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This
show examples
this
essay will shed
lights
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light
show examples
about
Change preposition
on
show examples
the pros of
this
using
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use
show examples
. To commence,
smartphones
play a crucial role in communicating with other friends ,
youngester
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youngster
youngsters
can communicate with their
frinds
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friends
around the world
also
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and also
show examples
can
makes
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make
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new
friend
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friends
show examples
.
For instance
; if two
youngesters
Correct your spelling
young
students
wants
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want
show examples
discussing
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to discuss
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about project on
certain
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the certain
a certain
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course they can do it online
through
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by
show examples
using
program
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programs
show examples
such
as ; Google Meet , Zoom and even Canva .
On the other hand
,
children
can
using
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use
be using
show examples
smartphones
in their educational stage .Where there are a huge number of
application
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applications
show examples
can
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that can
show examples
be useful to
using
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use
show examples
it .
For example
; through
Add a comma
Youtube,
show examples
Youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
they can
watching about
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
certain
rule
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rules
show examples
in grammar
im
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in
English and can
a
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apply
show examples
proper
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properly
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explain
of
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apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Also
,
children
can subscribe
in
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to
show examples
Cambly
whrer
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which
it
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
consider
Wrong verb form
considered
show examples
a new educational platform.
However
,
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
can make a huge difference in
children
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children's
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mental
growing
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growth
show examples
, as it
considerd ine
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considered one
of the best
way
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ways
show examples
can help students more
easy
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easily
show examples
. All in all , there is no doubt that
smartphones
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
childrens
Correct your spelling
children's
children
life more easy and comfortable
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
looking forward to many subjects .
Submitted by khulood.92 on

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task achievement
The introduction sets the context well but can be made clearer with a slight restructuring. Avoid small grammatical errors for better clarity.
task achievement
Some main points are well-supported, but including more specific examples and evidence would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
While the essay follows a logical structure, there are some coherence issues; transition words and better paragraph flow can be improved.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of small grammatical errors and strive to use varied vocabulary and sentence structures.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps present your viewpoints effectively.
task achievement
You have addressed different aspects of smartphone usage among children, showing a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The points are generally clear and you have addressed the prompt adequately.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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