Some children spend hourse everyday on their smartphones.why is this case? Do you think is a positive or negative ?

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Nowadays,
smartphones
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are the most impacting
phenomena
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phenomenon
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among
children
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.
This
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is happen
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is happening
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because
of
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apply
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electronic
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the electronic
an electronic
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device
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devices
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becomes the most interesting and
it
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they
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reflects
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reflect
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a positive side
in
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of
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there
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their
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life
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lives
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.
In
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This
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this
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essay will shed
lights
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light
show examples
about
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on
show examples
the pros of
this
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using
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use
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. To commence,
smartphones
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play a crucial role in communicating with other friends ,
youngester
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youngster
youngsters
can communicate with their
frinds
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friends
around the world
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also
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and also
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can
makes
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make
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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new
friend
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friends
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.
For instance
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; if two
youngesters
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young
students
wants
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want
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discussing
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to discuss
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about project on
certain
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the certain
a certain
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course they can do it online
through
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by
show examples
using
program
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programs
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such
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as ; Google Meet , Zoom and even Canva .
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
children
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can
using
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use
be using
show examples
smartphones
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in their educational stage .Where there are a huge number of
application
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applications
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can
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that can
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be useful to
using
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use
show examples
it .
For example
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; through
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Youtube,
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Youtube
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YouTube
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they can
watching about
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watch
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certain
rule
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rules
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in grammar
im
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in
English and can
a
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apply
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proper
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properly
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explain
of
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apply
show examples
it
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them
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.
Also
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,
children
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can subscribe
in
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to
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Cambly
whrer
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which
it
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is
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consider
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considered
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a new educational platform.
However
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,
smartphone
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smartphones
show examples
can make a huge difference in
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children
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children's
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mental
growing
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growth
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, as it
considerd ine
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considered one
of the best
way
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ways
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can help students more
easy
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easily
show examples
. All in all , there is no doubt that
smartphones
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makes
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make
show examples
childrens
Correct your spelling
children's
children
life more easy and comfortable
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
looking forward to many subjects .
Submitted by khulood.92 on

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task achievement
The introduction sets the context well but can be made clearer with a slight restructuring. Avoid small grammatical errors for better clarity.
task achievement
Some main points are well-supported, but including more specific examples and evidence would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
While the essay follows a logical structure, there are some coherence issues; transition words and better paragraph flow can be improved.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of small grammatical errors and strive to use varied vocabulary and sentence structures.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps present your viewpoints effectively.
task achievement
You have addressed different aspects of smartphone usage among children, showing a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The points are generally clear and you have addressed the prompt adequately.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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