IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

In many countries, fast food is becoming cheaper and more widely available. Do the disadvantages of this outweigh the advantages?

#countries #food #outweigh
In contemporary times fast
food
 is becoming
an
Change the article
apply
show examples
expensive and more widely available in many cities that's why more and more
people
 are consuming it.
From
Change preposition
In
show examples
 my
point
Add a comma
point,
show examples
 its disadvantages
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
outweigh the advantages.
Firstly
, nowadays
people
 who are busy
their
Change preposition
with their
show examples
 work haven't enough time
for preparing
Change preposition
to prepare
show examples
a
Remove the article
food
a portion of food
show examples
food
 or to go
for eating
Change preposition
to eat
show examples
 at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 restaurant. So, they prefer fast
food
 because it has a lot of facilities.
For example
, they order fast
food
 from
cafe
Fix the agreement mistake
cafes
show examples
 or other places and it is delivered soon by suppliers and
people
 can eat fast
food
 at their
desk
Fix the agreement mistake
desks
show examples
too.
Moreover
, many students prefer to eat fast
food
 too. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
it's very cheap and doesn't take
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time for eating. Even though there are a lot of advantages but
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
 are more than them. Nowadays, many
people
 who all ages are going to
doctor
Add an article
the doctor
a doctor
show examples
for
Correct word choice
because
show examples
 they have pain
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct article usage
the stomache
show examples
stomache
Correct your spelling
stomach
 and
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
. One of the major
disadvantage
Change to a plural noun
disadvantages
show examples
 is eating more and very often.
Beside
Change preposition
Besides
show examples
this
 fast
food
 is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 children too.
This
 is because many children and young
people
 are getting fat
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 eating more. Day by day fast
food
 is causing to increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 various diseases among
people
. To avoid
this
 it is necessary to reduce the preparation and
sell
Replace the word
sale
show examples
of
such
 products.
Instead
 of fast
food
, restaurants and cafes serving national dishes should be opened in many cities. In a nutshell, despite there
are
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 a lot of benefits,
Correct article usage
the
show examples
disadvantages of
this
 outweigh the advantages.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You need to clearly state your main points and develop them fully with relevant examples. This will enhance your task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a central idea and that it is well developed. This will help you present your ideas more clearly and improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
Work on using linking words and phrases effectively to connect your points more smoothly throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
You provide a clear introduction and conclusion which helps the overall structure of the essay.
task achievement
You have made a relevant and valid argument about the disadvantages of fast food.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: