IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for qualifications. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualifications
There are different views on whether higher education
students
 should put all of their concentration on their major or they can learn other
subjects
simultenously
Correct your spelling
simultaneously
.
While
 there is no limit
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 knowledge exploration, I believe it is much more efficient if college
students
 only focus on their main
subjects
. The main advantage of giving the
students
 the opportunity
of studying
Change preposition
to study
show examples
 other
subjects
 rather than their primary
subject
 is that they can learn what they are really passionate about.
In other words
, when choosing a major
students
 may consider many factors one of which is career prospects. Career prospects have a direct impact on their future
job
oppurtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 and
therefore
 on their future income so they may put
this
 factor above their interest and choose a major which can lead to
better
Add an article
a better
the better
show examples
 financial situation. Being able to minor
another
Change preposition
in another
show examples
subject
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 them a chance to learn about the
subjects
 that they are interested in
while
 guaranteeing their future career.
For example
, I had a friend who was interested in both quantum physics and programming,
due to
job
oppurtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 for a programmer she decided to
became
Change the form of the verb
become
show examples
 a programmer but she couldn't let go of quantum physics so she studied that
subject
 as well.
On the other hand
, in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 each
subject
 has a lot to say itself and requires deep and
percise
Correct your spelling
precise
 studying. If you spend a lot of time on
you
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
 main
subjects
 you will get to know new aspects of them and you will gain skills that regular
students
 may not have. In today's
competetive
Correct your spelling
competitive
 world in order to win a
job
 you should be better than other applicants, you should have more knowledge, useful skills and experience.
For instance
, you need to have various projects related to
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
 you're applying for on your
cv
Correct your spelling
CV
show examples
. Studying another
subject
 is
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
 and it prevents you
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 gaining
further
 knowledge in your main
subject
 so it is more valuable if you put all your effort
on
Change preposition
into
show examples
 one
subject
. In conclusion, some university
students
 have a taste
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 trying other
subjects
simultenous
Correct your spelling
similar
 to their major
subjects
 but
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
others rather
to
Remove the marker
apply
show examples
focus on their main
studying
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
. I agree with the latter, it is better to concentrate on a single
subject
 and earn better qualifications.
Submitted by parsaj1381 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied linking words and phrases to connect your ideas clearly. This will help the reader follow your argument more smoothly.
task achievement
Ensure that all your examples are fully relevant and demonstrate the points you're making. For instance, the anecdote about your friend could be more clearly linked to the wider argument about job opportunities and pursuing passion.
task achievement
Work on the clarity of your main ideas. Some parts of the essay could benefit from more precise wording and a clearer link to the questions asked. This would make your overall argument stronger and more persuasive.
introduction conclusion present
The essay provides a clear introduction that outlines both viewpoints, which helps to frame the discussion nicely.
task achievement
You provided a balanced overview of both perspectives on the issue, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • - Holistic development
  • - Broadening perspectives
  • - Critical thinking skills
  • - Versatile and adaptable
  • - Job market
  • - Interdisciplinary thinking
  • - Problem-solving skills
  • - Academic performance
  • - Stress management
  • - Time management
  • - In-depth knowledge
  • - Expertise
  • - Resource allocation
  • - Core subjects
  • - Chosen domains
What to do next:
Look at other essays: