IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for qualifications. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There are different views on whether higher education
students
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 should put all of their concentration on their major or they can learn other
subjects
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simultenously
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simultaneously
.
While
Linking Words
 there is no limit
on
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to
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 knowledge exploration, I believe it is much more efficient if college
students
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 only focus on their main
subjects
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. The main advantage of giving the
students
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 the opportunity
of studying
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to study
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 other
subjects
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 rather than their primary
subject
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 is that they can learn what they are really passionate about.
In other words
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, when choosing a major
students
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 may consider many factors one of which is career prospects. Career prospects have a direct impact on their future
job
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oppurtunities
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opportunities
 and
therefore
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 on their future income so they may put
this
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 factor above their interest and choose a major which can lead to
better
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a better
the better
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 financial situation. Being able to minor
another
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in another
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subject
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give
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gives
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 them a chance to learn about the
subjects
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 that they are interested in
while
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 guaranteeing their future career.
For example
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, I had a friend who was interested in both quantum physics and programming,
due to
Linking Words
job
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oppurtunities
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opportunities
 for a programmer she decided to
became
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become
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 a programmer but she couldn't let go of quantum physics so she studied that
subject
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 as well.
On the other hand
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, in my
opinion
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opinion,
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 each
subject
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 has a lot to say itself and requires deep and
percise
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precise
 studying. If you spend a lot of time on
you
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your
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 main
subjects
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 you will get to know new aspects of them and you will gain skills that regular
students
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 may not have. In today's
competetive
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competitive
 world in order to win a
job
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 you should be better than other applicants, you should have more knowledge, useful skills and experience.
For instance
Linking Words
, you need to have various projects related to
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job
Add an article
the job
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 you're applying for on your
cv
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CV
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. Studying another
subject
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 is
time consuming
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time-consuming
show examples
 and it prevents you
of
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from
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 gaining
further
Linking Words
 knowledge in your main
subject
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 so it is more valuable if you put all your effort
on
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into
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 one
subject
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. In conclusion, some university
students
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 have a taste
on
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for
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 trying other
subjects
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simultenous
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similar
 to their major
subjects
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 but
some
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apply
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others rather
to
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apply
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focus on their main
studying
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studies
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. I agree with the latter, it is better to concentrate on a single
subject
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 and earn better qualifications.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied linking words and phrases to connect your ideas clearly. This will help the reader follow your argument more smoothly.
task achievement
Ensure that all your examples are fully relevant and demonstrate the points you're making. For instance, the anecdote about your friend could be more clearly linked to the wider argument about job opportunities and pursuing passion.
task achievement
Work on the clarity of your main ideas. Some parts of the essay could benefit from more precise wording and a clearer link to the questions asked. This would make your overall argument stronger and more persuasive.
introduction conclusion present
The essay provides a clear introduction that outlines both viewpoints, which helps to frame the discussion nicely.
task achievement
You provided a balanced overview of both perspectives on the issue, showing a good understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • - Holistic development
  • - Broadening perspectives
  • - Critical thinking skills
  • - Versatile and adaptable
  • - Job market
  • - Interdisciplinary thinking
  • - Problem-solving skills
  • - Academic performance
  • - Stress management
  • - Time management
  • - In-depth knowledge
  • - Expertise
  • - Resource allocation
  • - Core subjects
  • - Chosen domains
What to do next:
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