IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that men and women are equal and so women should be able to do any job they want. Others feel that men and women are not equal and therefore there are certain jobs which are not suitable for women. What is your opinion?

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In today's world, there is a heavy debate about all
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human beings are born
equally
Change the word
equal
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 and
hence
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 every male and female are capable of doing
same
Correct article usage
the same
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work
Use synonyms
,
while
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 others disagree with
this
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 statement saying there are some
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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which
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in which
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 female genders cannot
work
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.
This
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 is because of the strength difference in the body and nature of
job
Add an article
the job
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 they
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work-in
Correct your spelling
work in
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. On the one hand, I believe that through hard
work
Use synonyms
 and dedication every human whoever it is, can achieve anything in
this
Linking Words
 world. There are many places where people of all genders
work
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 together because of the skills they
posses
Correct your spelling
possess
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 which
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 not need much physical power.
For example
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, working in an IT department depends purely on the talent of the employee and anybody in
this
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 world can gain
this
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 without necessarily
posing
Correct your spelling
losing
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 muscle power.
However
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, every employment on the Earth is not like that. On the flip side, there are certain places where females cannot operate because of their physical nature. Oil rigs,
for instance
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,
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 a place that requires working on heavy
machineries
Change the wording
machinery
types of machinery
pieces of machinery
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 which takes a lot of boot strength to handle them. So, men
posing
Verb problem
possessing
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stronger
Correct article usage
a stronger
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personalty
Correct your spelling
personality
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 are
choosen
Correct your spelling
chosen
 for
this
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 type of
work
Use synonyms
, which cannot be found in the opposite gender. By nature, women are weaker in
this
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 area and
hence
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 cannot compete with men. In conclusion, even though all humans are created
equally
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equal
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but
Correct word choice
apply
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there is a lack
in
Change preposition
of
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strength
Add an article
the strength
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of
Change preposition
in
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 females which
restrict
Correct subject-verb agreement
restricts
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 them
to operate
Change preposition
from operating
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 in some fields. Specially, where muscle power is required on the talent.

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Grammar
There are several grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures in your essay, which can affect clarity. Consider revising sentences for better flow and readability.
Examples
The essay needs more relevant and detailed examples to strengthen your argument. For example, specific instances where women have succeeded in traditionally male-dominated fields could make your argument more compelling.
Task Achievement
To achieve a higher score, ensure your essay fully addresses the task by discussing both viewpoints more thoroughly and balancing the perspectives. Your response leans more towards one side without fully exploring the counterargument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay could be improved by using clear topic sentences and ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a single idea. This will make your arguments easier to follow.
Task Achievement
You have made a commendable effort to address the task by discussing both sides of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the essay requirements.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and adequately frame your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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