Some people believe that men and women are equal and so women should be able to do any job they want. Others feel that men and women are not equal and therefore there are certain jobs which are not suitable for women. What is your opinion?
In today's world, there is a heavy debate about all
the
human beings are born Correct article usage
apply
equally
and Change the word
equal
hence
every male and female are capable of doing same
Correct article usage
the same
work
, while
others disagree with this
statement saying there are some area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
which
female genders cannot Change preposition
in which
work
. This
is because of the strength difference in the body and nature of job
they Add an article
the job
work-in
.
On the one hand, I believe that through hard Correct your spelling
work in
work
and dedication every human whoever it is, can achieve anything in this
world. There are many places where people of all genders work
together because of the skills they posses
which Correct your spelling
possess
does
not need much physical power. Correct subject-verb agreement
do
For example
, working in an IT department depends purely on the talent of the employee and anybody in this
world can gain this
without necessarily posing
muscle power. Correct your spelling
losing
However
, every employment on the Earth is not like that.
On the flip side, there are certain places where females cannot operate because of their physical nature. Oil rigs, for instance
, is
a place that requires working on heavy Correct subject-verb agreement
are
machineries
which takes a lot of boot strength to handle them. So, men Change the wording
machinery
types of machinery
pieces of machinery
posing
Verb problem
possessing
stronger
Correct article usage
a stronger
personalty
are Correct your spelling
personality
choosen
for Correct your spelling
chosen
this
type of work
, which cannot be found in the opposite gender. By nature, women are weaker in this
area and hence
cannot compete with men.
In conclusion, even though all humans are created equally
Change the word
equal
but
there is a lack Correct word choice
apply
in
Change preposition
of
strength
Add an article
the strength
of
females which Change preposition
in
restrict
them Correct subject-verb agreement
restricts
to operate
in some fields. Specially, where muscle power is required on the talent.Change preposition
from operating
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Grammar
There are several grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures in your essay, which can affect clarity. Consider revising sentences for better flow and readability.
Examples
The essay needs more relevant and detailed examples to strengthen your argument. For example, specific instances where women have succeeded in traditionally male-dominated fields could make your argument more compelling.
Task Achievement
To achieve a higher score, ensure your essay fully addresses the task by discussing both viewpoints more thoroughly and balancing the perspectives. Your response leans more towards one side without fully exploring the counterargument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay could be improved by using clear topic sentences and ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a single idea. This will make your arguments easier to follow.
Task Achievement
You have made a commendable effort to address the task by discussing both sides of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the essay requirements.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and adequately frame your essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?