Human activity has had a negative impact on plants and animals around the world. Some people think that this cannot be changed, while others think that actions can be taken to bring the change. Discuss both views and give your onion.

Human actions, around the world, have had pessimistic consequences on other life forms
such
as animals and plants.
People
are divided into two groups where one of them thinks that these effects are
irreversable
Correct your spelling
irreversible
reversible
,
while
another group think that
people
can rescue
nature
.
This
essay will discuss both points of view including pessimistic
people
's position and optimistic
people
's position, including me. On the one hand, the global population is always increasing and requires a bunch of natural
resources
including
energy
, food , and space which are produced using
nature
.
People
need food,
energy
,
resources
and space to live and feeding them with their needs may lead to deforestation, pollution and other harmful activities that are hard to stop entirely.
For instance
, every day around 500 thousand
people
are born and 200 thousand die
that is
why the population always grows and if we consider that it is 5
people
in one square meter
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it turns out that every day 60000 kilometres of
nature
are occupied by
people
and
people
also
need
energy
, agricultural goods which harms the ecosystem and the
nature
itself.
Thus
, until
people
can invent new ways to save natural
resources
,
nature
will be endangered.
On the other hand
,
people
who believe in an optimistic scenario argue that new advancements in technology could help to prevent
nature
. Using new inventions in technology
people
can reduce using natural
resources
in
energy
by changing them with renewable
energy
sources
such
as wind, solar, and water
energy
.
Moreover
,
people
can upgrade
waste
management technologies which enables
people
to free lots of territory from
waste
, recycling them.
As a result
,
people
would save natural
resources
by using renewable
energy
and would free up
abunch
Correct your spelling
a bunch
of space by recycling and
waste
management. In conclusion, human actions lead to harmful consequences for
nature
and
while
some
people
think that
this
process is irreversible because the global population always rising and
people
need to use
nature
to live, others hope that
people
can change
this
situation. In my view,
people
can mitigate the harm that
nature
receives from
people
by developing technology and inventing new ways to use renewable
energy
sources
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and
waste
management. Combining these methods and
people
's awareness of
this
problem,
nature
can be preserved
Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on

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task achievement
Your essay responds well to the task and presents clear ideas on both sides of the argument. However, make sure to avoid small grammatical errors and improve the clarity of some complex sentences.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples and explanations to support your points. This will make your arguments more persuasive and show a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all points are linked together in a logical manner. While your essay flows well, some transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother. Use cohesive devices to enhance the flow.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are clear, consider rephrasing the thesis statement for better clarity. This sets a strong foundation for your argument and helps guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
Your essay tackles both views appropriately and includes a comprehensive conclusion that reflects your opinion.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong introduction and a clear structure throughout the essay. Each paragraph has a distinct purpose and contributes to your overall argument.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • industrialization
  • urbanization
  • ecological state
  • natural habitats
  • irreversible processes
  • deforestation
  • pollution
  • sustainable methods
  • renewable energy sources
  • efficient waste management
  • reforestation
  • conservation programs
  • wildlife sanctuaries
  • government regulations
  • public awareness
  • education campaigns
  • carbon footprints
  • conservation initiatives
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