Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?
Many working
people
do not spend enough Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
to
Change the verb form
exercising
exercise
, which Use synonyms
lead
to multiple health Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
problems
. How to tackle these Use synonyms
problems
and make these Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
to
Change the verb form
apply
exercise
? These Use synonyms
problems
appear because they don’t have enough Use synonyms
time
to do sports, or Use synonyms
too
tired to Add a missing verb
are too
exercise
after Use synonyms
busy
working the whole day. Add a missing verb
being busy
Hence
, they can solve the problem by allocating Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
apply
time
to Use synonyms
exercise
and joining the sports community which they Use synonyms
loved
.
Busy working Wrong verb form
love
schedule
have made working men and women don’t have enough Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
time
to Use synonyms
exercise
. After working the whole day, their energy Use synonyms
got
drained, Wrong verb form
gets
therefore
they’re too tired to go to the Linking Words
gym
. Use synonyms
In addition
, it will be painful Linking Words
for driving
to the Change preposition
to drive
gym
, if its location Use synonyms
far
away from the Add a missing verb
is far
office
. Use synonyms
Moreover
, driving back and forth from the Linking Words
gym
to their home after Use synonyms
exercise
, required big efforts. Use synonyms
For example
, Linking Words
people
aged 25-35 have heart Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
due to
lack of Linking Words
exercise
.
The solution for these Use synonyms
problems
is Use synonyms
by required
these folks to be Change preposition
to require
discipline
. Wrong verb form
disciplined
Firstly
, they need to allocate some Linking Words
time
every few days within a week for Use synonyms
exercise
. Working Use synonyms
people
can join a Use synonyms
sport
club which Change the noun form
sports
offered
by their Add a missing verb
is offered
office
Use synonyms
also
. Linking Words
Hence
, they still can Linking Words
exercise
without leaving the Use synonyms
office
. Use synonyms
Secondly
, they can join a Linking Words
gym
membership which Use synonyms
near
their Add a missing verb
is near
office
, so that they don’t have to drive. Hopefully, they will feel motivated to Use synonyms
exercise
. To illustrate, they can run for 15 minutes during the lunch break and Use synonyms
then
continue for another 15 minutes at 4pm.
In conclusion, working Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
having
difficulties Wrong verb form
have
to
Change the verb form
exercising
exercise
because Use synonyms
their
busy working Change preposition
of their
schedule
. Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
However
, they can join the Linking Words
gym
or a Use synonyms
sport
club that Change the noun form
sports
near
their Add a missing verb
is near
office
. Use synonyms
Therefore
, they can Linking Words
exercise
whenever they have Use synonyms
time
. It requires an effort for someone to Use synonyms
exercise
, but unless we push ourselves to Use synonyms
exercise
, nobody will motivate us.Use synonyms
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task achievement
Your task response is quite good as you address both parts of the question adequately. However, try to elaborate more on your points and provide additional supporting arguments or examples to strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is generally clear, but it can be improved. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that your arguments flow logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a variety of cohesive devices, which sometimes makes it sound repetitive. Try using different linking words and phrases to illustrate the relationships between your ideas more clearly.
introduction conclusion present
I appreciate that you have a well-defined introduction and conclusion. This helps to frame your arguments effectively and provides a sense of closure.
task achievement
Your response to the task is complete and addresses both the reasons why working people do not get enough exercise and potential solutions to the problem.
task achievement
Your essay has some relevant examples that help to illustrate your points. Examples are an important aspect of supporting your arguments effectively.