Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

#people #exercise #time #health

Many working

people

do not spend enough

time

Change the verb form

exercising

show examples

exercise

, which

lead

Correct subject-verb agreement

leads

show examples

to multiple health

problems

. How to tackle these

problems

and make these

people

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

exercise

? These

problems

appear because they don’t have enough

time

to do sports, or

too

Add a missing verb

are too

show examples

tired to

exercise

after

busy

Add a missing verb

being busy

show examples

working the whole day.

Hence

, they can solve the problem by allocating

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

time

exercise

and joining the sports community which they

loved

Wrong verb form

love

show examples

. Busy working

schedule

Fix the agreement mistake

schedules

show examples

have made working men and women don’t have enough

time

exercise

. After working the whole day, their energy

got

Wrong verb form

gets

show examples

drained,

therefore

they’re too tired to go to the

gym

In addition

, it will be painful

for driving

Change preposition

to drive

show examples

to the

gym

, if its location

far

Add a missing verb

is far

show examples

away from the

office

Moreover

, driving back and forth from the

gym

to their home after

exercise

, required big efforts.

For example

people

aged 25-35 have heart

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

due to

lack of

exercise

. The solution for these

problems

by required

Change preposition

to require

show examples

these folks to be

discipline

Wrong verb form

disciplined

show examples

Firstly

, they need to allocate some

time

every few days within a week for

exercise

. Working

people

can join a

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

club which

offered

Add a missing verb

is offered

show examples

by their

office

also

Hence

, they still can

exercise

without leaving the

office

Secondly

, they can join a

gym

membership which

near

Add a missing verb

is near

show examples

their

office

, so that they don’t have to drive. Hopefully, they will feel motivated to

exercise

. To illustrate, they can run for 15 minutes during the lunch break and

then

continue for another 15 minutes at 4pm. In conclusion, working

people

having

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

difficulties

Change the verb form

exercising

show examples

exercise

because

their

Change preposition

of their

show examples

busy working

schedule

Fix the agreement mistake

schedules

show examples

However

, they can join the

gym

or a

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

club that

near

Add a missing verb

is near

show examples

their

office

Therefore

, they can

exercise

whenever they have

time

. It requires an effort for someone to

exercise

, but unless we push ourselves to

exercise

, nobody will motivate us.

Submitted by permata_188 on Mon Aug 19 2024

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task achievement

Your task response is quite good as you address both parts of the question adequately. However, try to elaborate more on your points and provide additional supporting arguments or examples to strengthen your response.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of your essay is generally clear, but it can be improved. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that your arguments flow logically from one to the next.

coherence cohesion

Your essay lacks a variety of cohesive devices, which sometimes makes it sound repetitive. Try using different linking words and phrases to illustrate the relationships between your ideas more clearly.

introduction conclusion present

I appreciate that you have a well-defined introduction and conclusion. This helps to frame your arguments effectively and provides a sense of closure.

task achievement

Your response to the task is complete and addresses both the reasons why working people do not get enough exercise and potential solutions to the problem.

task achievement

Your essay has some relevant examples that help to illustrate your points. Examples are an important aspect of supporting your arguments effectively.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

301 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Time constraints
Sedentary lifestyle
Passive leisure activities
Workplace wellness programs
Active commuting
Subsidized
Public awareness
Health benefits
Incentivizing
Accessible public spaces

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Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

Some employers put more emphasis on practical skills than theoretical knowledge. Others insist that candidates have an academic background or formal qualifications. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is important for the people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all the shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.