Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

Many working
people
do not spend enough
time
to
Change the verb form
exercising
show examples
exercise
, which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
to multiple health
problems
. How to tackle these
problems
and make these
people
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
exercise
? These
problems
appear because they don’t have enough
time
to do sports, or
too
Add a missing verb
are too
show examples
tired to
exercise
after
busy
Add a missing verb
being busy
show examples
working the whole day.
Hence
, they can solve the problem by allocating
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
to
exercise
and joining the sports community which they
loved
Wrong verb form
love
show examples
. Busy working
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
show examples
have made working men and women don’t have enough
time
to
exercise
. After working the whole day, their energy
got
Wrong verb form
gets
show examples
drained,
therefore
they’re too tired to go to the
gym
.
In addition
, it will be painful
for driving
Change preposition
to drive
show examples
to the
gym
, if its location
far
Add a missing verb
is far
show examples
away from the
office
.
Moreover
, driving back and forth from the
gym
to their home after
exercise
, required big efforts.
For example
,
people
aged 25-35 have heart
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
due to
lack of
exercise
. The solution for these
problems
is
by required
Change preposition
to require
show examples
these folks to be
discipline
Wrong verb form
disciplined
show examples
.
Firstly
, they need to allocate some
time
every few days within a week for
exercise
. Working
people
can join a
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
club which
offered
Add a missing verb
is offered
show examples
by their
office
also
.
Hence
, they still can
exercise
without leaving the
office
.
Secondly
, they can join a
gym
membership which
near
Add a missing verb
is near
show examples
their
office
, so that they don’t have to drive. Hopefully, they will feel motivated to
exercise
. To illustrate, they can run for 15 minutes during the lunch break and
then
continue for another 15 minutes at 4pm. In conclusion, working
people
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
difficulties
to
Change the verb form
exercising
show examples
exercise
because
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
busy working
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
show examples
.
However
, they can join the
gym
or a
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
club that
near
Add a missing verb
is near
show examples
their
office
.
Therefore
, they can
exercise
whenever they have
time
. It requires an effort for someone to
exercise
, but unless we push ourselves to
exercise
, nobody will motivate us.
Submitted by permata_188 on

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task achievement
Your task response is quite good as you address both parts of the question adequately. However, try to elaborate more on your points and provide additional supporting arguments or examples to strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is generally clear, but it can be improved. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that your arguments flow logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a variety of cohesive devices, which sometimes makes it sound repetitive. Try using different linking words and phrases to illustrate the relationships between your ideas more clearly.
introduction conclusion present
I appreciate that you have a well-defined introduction and conclusion. This helps to frame your arguments effectively and provides a sense of closure.
task achievement
Your response to the task is complete and addresses both the reasons why working people do not get enough exercise and potential solutions to the problem.
task achievement
Your essay has some relevant examples that help to illustrate your points. Examples are an important aspect of supporting your arguments effectively.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
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