IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many working
people
Use synonyms
 do not spend enough
time
Use synonyms
to
Change the verb form
exercising
show examples
exercise
Use synonyms
, which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to multiple health
problems
Use synonyms
. How to tackle these
problems
Use synonyms
 and make these
people
Use synonyms
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
exercise
Use synonyms
? These
problems
Use synonyms
 appear because they don’t have enough
time
Use synonyms
 to do sports, or
too
Add a missing verb
are too
show examples
 tired to
exercise
Use synonyms
 after
busy
Add a missing verb
being busy
show examples
 working the whole day.
Hence
Linking Words
, they can solve the problem by allocating
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 to
exercise
Use synonyms
 and joining the sports community which they
loved
Wrong verb form
love
show examples
. Busy working
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
show examples
 have made working men and women don’t have enough
time
Use synonyms
 to
exercise
Use synonyms
. After working the whole day, their energy
got
Wrong verb form
gets
show examples
 drained,
therefore
Linking Words
 they’re too tired to go to the
gym
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, it will be painful
for driving
Change preposition
to drive
show examples
 to the
gym
Use synonyms
, if its location
far
Add a missing verb
is far
show examples
 away from the
office
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, driving back and forth from the
gym
Use synonyms
 to their home after
exercise
Use synonyms
, required big efforts.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 aged 25-35 have heart
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 lack of
exercise
Use synonyms
. The solution for these
problems
Use synonyms
 is
by required
Change preposition
to require
show examples
 these folks to be
discipline
Wrong verb form
disciplined
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they need to allocate some
time
Use synonyms
 every few days within a week for
exercise
Use synonyms
. Working
people
Use synonyms
 can join a
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 club which
offered
Add a missing verb
is offered
show examples
 by their
office
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
.
Hence
Linking Words
, they still can
exercise
Use synonyms
 without leaving the
office
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they can join a
gym
Use synonyms
 membership which
near
Add a missing verb
is near
show examples
 their
office
Use synonyms
, so that they don’t have to drive. Hopefully, they will feel motivated to
exercise
Use synonyms
. To illustrate, they can run for 15 minutes during the lunch break and
then
Linking Words
 continue for another 15 minutes at 4pm. In conclusion, working
people
Use synonyms
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 difficulties
to
Change the verb form
exercising
show examples
exercise
Use synonyms
 because
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 busy working
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, they can join the
gym
Use synonyms
 or a
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 club that
near
Add a missing verb
is near
show examples
 their
office
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they can
exercise
Use synonyms
 whenever they have
time
Use synonyms
. It requires an effort for someone to
exercise
Use synonyms
, but unless we push ourselves to
exercise
Use synonyms
, nobody will motivate us.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your task response is quite good as you address both parts of the question adequately. However, try to elaborate more on your points and provide additional supporting arguments or examples to strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is generally clear, but it can be improved. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that your arguments flow logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a variety of cohesive devices, which sometimes makes it sound repetitive. Try using different linking words and phrases to illustrate the relationships between your ideas more clearly.
introduction conclusion present
I appreciate that you have a well-defined introduction and conclusion. This helps to frame your arguments effectively and provides a sense of closure.
task achievement
Your response to the task is complete and addresses both the reasons why working people do not get enough exercise and potential solutions to the problem.
task achievement
Your essay has some relevant examples that help to illustrate your points. Examples are an important aspect of supporting your arguments effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
What to do next:
Look at other essays: