the graph below the number of shops that closed and the number of shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018

#shops #country

The graph illustrates how many

shops

opened and closed in one country from 2011 to 2018, with the data measured in thousands.

Overall

, it is clearly be seen that the

number

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

opened and

closured

Correct your spelling

closed

declined throughout the period. In terms of the closing

shops

Change preposition

of shops

show examples

, it stood at 6500 in 2011. The stores

reach

Wrong verb form

reached

show examples

a peak at 7000 in 2013 before

witnessed

Wrong verb form

witnessing

show examples

a significant drop to around 800 in 2015. After a huge downturn, about 5000 stores closed again in 2016 and overtook the opening

shops

Change preposition

of shops

show examples

This

number

remain

Change the verb form

remains

show examples

steady until the end of the period. Regarding the opening

shops

Change preposition

of shops

show examples

, the

number

began at 8500 in 2011. It suddenly decreased to 4000 in 2012

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and bounced back moderately by 2000 in 2015.

Furthermore

, the stores returned to 4000 in 2015 without any changes until 2016.

Finally

, in 2018, the

number

of the

shops

that opened

was

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

fell slightly by 1000.

Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on Mon Aug 19 2024

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task response

Make sure to provide a clear and concise summary of the overall trend in the introduction. Consider rephrasing 'it is clearly be seen' to 'it can clearly be seen'.

coherence and cohesion

While the main points are covered well, adding a brief conclusion can help in summarizing the analysis effectively.

coherence and cohesion

Improve accuracy and clarity by avoiding errors such as 'the number of the opened and closured declined' and 'the number of the shops that opened was fell'.

task response

Use more precise language to describe the trends. For instance, instead of 'bounced back moderately by 2000', consider 'increased moderately to 6000 in 2014'.

task achievement

The essay provides a comprehensive overview of the data over the given period.

coherence and cohesion

The introduction clearly sets out the topic and what will be discussed.

logical structure

There are clear paragraphs delineating the discussion of closing shops and opening shops.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

151 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

trend
fluctuation
peak
decline
surge
stabilize
correlation
economic conditions
consumer behavior
technological advancements
urban development
employment
retail sector

What to do next:

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the graph below the number of shops that closed and the number of shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Many people say the gap between rich and poor people is wider, as rich people become richer and poor people grow poorer. What problems could this situation cause and what measure can be done to address those problems?

Fewer and fewer people today write by hand using a pen, pencil or brush. What are the reasons for this? Is the decline in writing by hand a positive or negative development?

1.Today, lots of people have their own computer and a telephone, which made it easy for people to do job at their home. Does working at home have more advantages or more disadvantages?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?