IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that using mobile phones and computers has a negative effect on young people’s reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #phones #computers #effect #people’s #skills
Nowadays, some
people
 think that
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of phones and computers
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a detrimental effect on
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
show examples
 reading and writing
skills
. In my opinion, there is no
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
negative outcome of using up-to-date technology if we utilize it properly.
To begin
 with, there are numerous reasons why using modern tools has a harmful effect on
people
's literacy. First of all,
while
 using these
sort
Fix the agreement mistake
sorts
show examples
 of items, individuals do not care about whether they writing a word correctly or not, and
therefore
 some
people
 argue that
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 doing so they lose their
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most important and necessary
skills
.
As a result
, these
people
 partly forgot some spellings and maybe some words, but it is not too bad
situation
Correct article usage
a situation
show examples
.
Secondly
, a significant number of social media users tend to watch so many videos and shorts rather than
reading
Wrong verb form
read
show examples
 useful articles or magazines, resulting
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
reduction in
an
Change the word
their
show examples
 ability to read complicated contexts.
Consequently
, some
people
 are losing their
skills
 which help them in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long run.
On the other hand
, there are various advantages of utilizing smartphones and notebooks in order to improve one's
overall
 reading and writing performance.
Initially
, we can enhance our typing ability
while
 learning new words and phrases when we are reading something engaging. Because, it would be far from difficult , and you can improve your both
skills
 immediately which assist you in the near future.
Furthermore
, analyzing new eye-catching articles can
also
 be very helpful if we accomplish that very meticulously.
Moreover
,
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 and online platforms are the resources of knowledge, as we can find literally anything
which is
Verb problem
that
show examples
 we need.
For
this
 reason, individuals might upgrade their so many aptitudes simultaneously. In conclusion,
although
, there are several drawbacks of using cutting-edge technologies on
people
's literacy, the benefits exceed the shortcomings owing to some clear reasons.
Submitted by ieltswritingband99 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Expand on specific examples to provide stronger support for your main points. For instance, mention particular scenarios or studies that highlight the impact of modern technology on literacy skills.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that ideas flow logically from one to the next. Minor improvements could make your essay more coherent. Use a clearer progression and more linking words.
task achievement
Further refine your grammar and spelling. For instance, "there is no any negative outcome" should be "there is no negative outcome," and "usage of phones and computers have" should be "usage of phones and computers has."
task achievement
Your essay clearly presents both sides of the argument and provides a balanced view, which is excellent for task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are strong, effectively summarizing your position and wrapping up the essay.
task achievement
Your main points are adequately supported with explanations, making your argument more compelling.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: