In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods. Some people believe this exerts a negative effect on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #foods #people #effect #families #societies

Nowadays, it is becoming common for

people

to consume fast foods. Some

people

believe that

this

trend has a negative impact on both families and societies.

However

, I firmly agree that replacing traditional

food

with international can

bring

Verb problem

have

show examples

a negative impact on families and societies for 2 main reasons. The main reason is

junk

food

is unhealthy

food

. It contains preservatives that can be harmful to

people

's metabolism. By consuming

junk

food

people

can easily get sick because of the chemical material in

food

such

as nitrate. For illustration, consuming hotdogs every day can make

people

easily get cancer.

As a result

, the life rate of the country will decrease

due to

consuming

junk

food

. The following reason is consuming fast

food

can make the sales of traditional

cuisine

fall. Traditional

food

is one of the identities of society.

Nevertheless

, in

this

modern era, many

people

opt the international

junk

food

because it is easier to find and cook.

For instance

, a busy mother tends to buy McDonald's for breakfast for her children rather than buy nasi lemak, the traditional

food

of Indonesia. By opting the

junk

food

, society consumes less traditional

food

Consequently

, the demand for traditional

cuisine

will decline year after year. It will make traditional

cuisine

hard to find.

To sum up

, presently, an increasing number of

people

are choosing international fast

food

. Many

people

argue that

this

trend will lead to some drawbacks for families and society. I am firmly convinced

agree

Verb problem

apply

show examples

that

this

trend can bring negative effects,

such

as an impact on the health of

people

and the sales of traditional

cuisine

will decrease.

Thus

, it will be a wise decision to consume healthy

food

such

as traditional

food

Submitted by harshbhardwaj155 on Mon Aug 19 2024

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task achievement

Ensure that all ideas are fully expanded with explanation and examples. The reason related to health is discussed quite well, but the economic impact on traditional food could use more detail.

coherence cohesion

Reinforce the links between paragraphs and use more transition words to guide the reader through your arguments. This will enhance the logical flow of your essay.

task achievement

Ensure that examples used, such as the one with 'nasi lemak,' accurately reflect the point being made. Sometimes an inappropriate example can weaken an argument.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, clearly stating your position and summarizing your main points effectively.

task achievement

The health-related argument is logically developed and includes specific details, making it a strong point of your essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

285 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods. Some people believe this exerts a negative effect on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation?

Some people think it would be better if the whole family (uncles, aunts, and grandparents) were involved in bringing up children rather than only parents.

You recently attended a cookery class and enjoyed it. Now you want to provide feedback to the cookery school. Write a letter to the cookery school. In your letter: Describe the cookery class you attended. Explain what you enjoyed about the class. Suggest some improvements to the class.