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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that government should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Other believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #government #support #artists #painters #musicians #alternative #sources
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There is no doubt that these days children are always playing video games, on their iPads, and phones and I think there are many harmful effects. It can affect their learning and education values so I see why parents get concerned. I understand that games are fun for children and staying on their phones and
iPad
Correct your spelling
iPads
 is addictive, but we need to make kids these days learn that it has more disadvantages than advantages.
Firstly
, teaching them in school why staying on
devices
 is harmful and showing them what it can do.
Secondly
, parents can't keep buying
devices
 for kids and giving them everything they want so it can be easier for them
for example
 taking them out when they are bored. Parents need to act the same way they want their children to act like never using their
devices
 in front of them or they will find it okay for them to use it just the same as what ur doing. Teachers need to do the same. In the
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
 we can't take
devices
 out of our lives because we need them to work, study and do lots of other useful things it's not always bad so we need to steady between using them and not using them.
Submitted by shougy.a on

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coherence cohesion
Consider including a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your discussion. This will help in presenting a structured argument.
task achievement
Develop each main point with specific examples or evidence to support your ideas. This will reinforce your argument and make it more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and use linking words to connect different parts of your essay. This will enhance the cohesion and readability of your writing.
task achievement
Avoid informal language such as 'ur.' Use formal and academic vocabulary instead to maintain the appropriate tone for the essay.
task achievement
You have tackled an important and relevant topic, reflecting on the concerns of modern-day technology usage among children.
task achievement
You have acknowledged the addictive nature of devices and attempted to propose solutions related to education and parenting.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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