The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years.Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

In numerous
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
nations the rate of minors with
exsessive
Correct your spelling
excessive
body fat
risen
Add a missing verb
has risen
show examples
by
one forth
Correct your spelling
one-fourth
show examples
over the
last
decade.
This
essay will suggest that
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
lifestyle
and poor diet
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
account
Change the noun form
accounts
show examples
for
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
phenomena and that
Correct article usage
a physcal
show examples
physcal
Correct your spelling
physical
activity
campaign
Fix the agreement mistake
campaigns
show examples
,followed by
restictions
Correct your spelling
restrictions
on processed
food
. Many individuals tend to have
Correct article usage
a sedentry
show examples
sedentry
Correct your spelling
sedentary
lifestyle
due to
type
Correct article usage
the type
show examples
of
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
work or unnessity in extra movements.In modern worlds remote and flexible jobs are more common than ever,
also
the latest
applinces
Correct your spelling
applications
provide
people
much
Change preposition
with much
show examples
comfatability
Correct your spelling
comfort
,from ordering
food
to cleaning houses.
Sedenrty
Correct your spelling
Sedentary
lifestyle
can cause back pain,
limeted
Correct your spelling
limited
physycal
Correct your spelling
physical
activity and other health problems.Since there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
little movement, calories can
burn
Wrong verb form
be burned
show examples
,
subsequently
Correct word choice
and subsequently
show examples
weight gain is very possible.
Food
that
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
kids consume
another
Add a missing verb
is another
show examples
crucial factor for weight gain.Ultr-processed
food
such
as chips,cokes and sweets, are especially popular among children,these
foods
tend to be
high-caloried
Correct your spelling
high-calorie
high-calories
and have
little
Correct quantifier usage
few
show examples
healthy
nutrtients
Correct your spelling
nutrients
.
This
leads
high
Change preposition
to high
show examples
calories
Change the noun form
calorie
show examples
intake,
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
sedentry
Correct your spelling
sedentary
lifestyle
causes not
enough
Add a missing verb
have enough
show examples
calorie burn. One of the
solution
Change to a plural noun
solutions
show examples
for the problem is
athletics
Correct article usage
the athletics
show examples
campaign.It is vital to spread
awarnes
Correct your spelling
awareness
of
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
of
Correct article usage
the ody
show examples
ody
Change the capitalization
Ody
show examples
movment
Correct your spelling
movement
.
Great
Add an article
A great
show examples
campaign can
possible
Change the adjective
possibly
show examples
contain sports,which not only keep
people
active but
also
can be
entartaining
Correct your spelling
entertaining
leisure time.
Moreover
,once youngsters are
atracted
Correct your spelling
attracted
,they can be inserted
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
some community where they can find
people
woth
Correct your spelling
with
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
interests.
Furthermore
, restrictions on processed
foods
could help mitigate the issue. Governments could implement policies to limit the availability and marketing of unhealthy
foods
, especially those targeted at children.
This
could include higher taxes on sugary snacks and beverages or stricter regulations on advertising these products to minors. In conclusion, the rise in excessive body fat among minors in Western nations is
due to
sedentary lifestyles and poor diets. Promoting physical activity and restricting processed
foods
are key steps to encourage healthier habits and reduce obesity in young
people
.
Submitted by zerdeteacher2024 on

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Grammar and Spelling
Improve spelling and grammar. Some errors, such as 'sedentry' instead of 'sedentary' and 'ultr-processed' instead of 'ultra-processed,' can affect clarity.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples to illustrate points. For instance, mention a specific physical activity campaign or government policy.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the coherence of the essay by using more linking words and phrases (e.g., firstly, secondly, in addition). This will improve the logical flow.
Structure
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Content
The causes and effects of the issue are addressed effectively, and potential solutions are discussed.
Coherence and Cohesion
The use of transition words such as 'moreover' and 'furthermore' helps to build a logical flow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • overweight
  • obesity
  • caloric intake
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • physical education
  • nutritious
  • psychological well-being
  • self-esteem
  • socioeconomic
  • healthcare system
  • life expectancy
  • obesity-related complications
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