The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years.Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.
In numerous
western
nations the rate of minors with Capitalize word
Western
exsessive
body fat Correct your spelling
excessive
risen
by Add a missing verb
has risen
one forth
over the Correct your spelling
one-fourth
last
decade.This
essay will suggest that sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
lifestyle
and poor diet are
Unnecessary verb
apply
account
for Change the noun form
accounts
present
phenomena and that Correct article usage
the present
Correct article usage
a physcal
physcal
activity Correct your spelling
physical
campaign
,followed by Fix the agreement mistake
campaigns
restictions
on processed Correct your spelling
restrictions
food
.
Many individuals tend to have Correct article usage
a sedentry
sedentry
Correct your spelling
sedentary
lifestyle
due to
type
of Correct article usage
the type
their
work or unnessity in extra movements.In modern worlds remote and flexible jobs are more common than ever,Correct pronoun usage
apply
also
the latest applinces
provide Correct your spelling
applications
people
much
Change preposition
with much
comfatability
,from ordering Correct your spelling
comfort
food
to cleaning houses.Sedenrty
Correct your spelling
Sedentary
lifestyle
can cause back pain,limeted
Correct your spelling
limited
physycal
activity and other health problems.Since there Correct your spelling
physical
are
little movement, calories can Change the verb form
is
burn
,Wrong verb form
be burned
subsequently
weight gain is very possible.Correct word choice
and subsequently
Food
that western
kids consume Capitalize word
Western
another
crucial factor for weight gain.Ultr-processed Add a missing verb
is another
food
such
as chips,cokes and sweets, are especially popular among children,these foods
tend to be high-caloried
and have Correct your spelling
high-calorie
high-calories
little
healthy Correct quantifier usage
few
nutrtients
.Correct your spelling
nutrients
This
leads high
Change preposition
to high
calories
intake,Change the noun form
calorie
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
sedentry
Correct your spelling
sedentary
lifestyle
causes not enough
calorie burn.
One of the Add a missing verb
have enough
solution
for the problem is Change to a plural noun
solutions
athletics
campaign.It is vital to spread Correct article usage
the athletics
awarnes
of Correct your spelling
awareness
lack
of Correct article usage
the lack
Correct article usage
the ody
ody
Change the capitalization
Ody
movment
.Correct your spelling
movement
Great
campaign can Add an article
A great
possible
contain sports,which not only keep Change the adjective
possibly
people
active but also
can be entartaining
leisure time.Correct your spelling
entertaining
Moreover
,once youngsters are atracted
,they can be inserted Correct your spelling
attracted
in
some community where they can find Change preposition
into
people
woth
Correct your spelling
with
same
interests.Correct article usage
the same
Furthermore
, restrictions on processed foods
could help mitigate the issue. Governments could implement policies to limit the availability and marketing of unhealthy foods
, especially those targeted at children. This
could include higher taxes on sugary snacks and beverages or stricter regulations on advertising these products to minors.
In conclusion, the rise in excessive body fat among minors in Western nations is due to
sedentary lifestyles and poor diets. Promoting physical activity and restricting processed foods
are key steps to encourage healthier habits and reduce obesity in young people
.Submitted by zerdeteacher2024 on
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Grammar and Spelling
Improve spelling and grammar. Some errors, such as 'sedentry' instead of 'sedentary' and 'ultr-processed' instead of 'ultra-processed,' can affect clarity.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples to illustrate points. For instance, mention a specific physical activity campaign or government policy.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the coherence of the essay by using more linking words and phrases (e.g., firstly, secondly, in addition). This will improve the logical flow.
Structure
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Content
The causes and effects of the issue are addressed effectively, and potential solutions are discussed.
Coherence and Cohesion
The use of transition words such as 'moreover' and 'furthermore' helps to build a logical flow.