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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table shows the percentage of people with mobile phones who use various features on their phone between 2006 and 2010. •Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table shows the percentage of people with mobile phones who use various features on their phone between 2006 and 2010. •Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #people #phones #features #phone #•summarise #information #comparisons
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The table compares the different mobile phone
features
Use synonyms
 in 3
years
Use synonyms
.
It is clear that
Linking Words
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 3
features
Use synonyms
 are
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 used in all
years
Use synonyms
that
Correct word choice
as
show examples
 shown in
table
Add an article
the table
show examples
. The feature of making calls is
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 used in 3
years
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
while
Linking Words
 playing music is the least used in
this
Linking Words
years
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
 sending and receiving text messages are in second place
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
getting used,
besides
Linking Words
 people
are prefer
Change the verb form
prefer
show examples
 to take photos rather than
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
 games. In accordance with
table
Add an article
the table
show examples
, people are making calls more than using other
features
Use synonyms
 and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 almost 100%.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, people are texting with
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 more than taking photos and
thats
Correct your spelling
that's
 why the
percentage
Use synonyms
 in 3
years
Use synonyms
 are 73%, 75% and 79%,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of taking photos
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 66%, 71% and 76%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 4
last
Linking Words
feature
Fix the agreement mistake
features
show examples
 that
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 used less than others and the feature of searching
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the internet are most used
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 4
features
Use synonyms
 and had considerable growth that
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
first did not
had
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 any data,
then
Linking Words
 41% and 73%.
Then
Linking Words
 goes playing video games which
percentage
Use synonyms
 was 17%, 42% and 41%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there
goes
Verb problem
are at
show examples
 least two
features
Use synonyms
that
Linking Words
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 playing music and recording video and their
percentage
Use synonyms
 is 12%, 18% and 26% and no
percentage
Use synonyms
, 9% and 35%.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words features, years, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
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