IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many large cities, people have to spend hours driving in heavy traffic every day. What are the effects of this on society and the individual? What can be done about it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
No one can deny that
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
urban areas, especially during peak hours always cause traffic
congestions
Fix the agreement mistake
congestion
show examples
. There are several effects on the drivers and
people
Use synonyms
 around it,
as well as
Linking Words
 solutions to address them.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, looking at the individual's effect on driving more than hours. It is
undoubtable
Correct your spelling
undoubtedly
 that it contributes
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
potential
Change the word
potentially
show examples
 detrimental
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 one's well-being. When
people
Use synonyms
 sit
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
 long, a negative impact on physical and mental health
such
Linking Words
 as
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 risk of cardiovascular disease and stress owing to prolonged sitting.
In addition
Linking Words
, a higher amount of emission of carbon footprints could damage society's health.
For instance
Linking Words
, cars emit chemical gases from idling vehicles
then
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 around
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 inhale carbon monoxide in a larger quantity will surely harm the body, sometimes leading to ailments namely asthma and lung cancer.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are ways to tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the government should implement stricter law enforcement
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 those car owners.
This
Linking Words
 will discourage them
to use
Change preposition
from using
show examples
 automobiles and
promotes
Correct subject-verb agreement
promote
show examples
 a greener environment
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the communities.
Thus
Linking Words
, reduces air pollution and promotes healthy societies.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, The government should encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to commute public
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as trains. In
this
Linking Words
 way, workers can travel quicker and time-saving without stuck in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
heavy traffic.
Conseqeuntly
Correct your spelling
Consequently
, it helps reduce heart
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
show examples
 and psychological stress. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 these effects could bring harm to
people
Use synonyms
 around it and the driver
it self
Correct your spelling
itself
show examples
, considering health problems. There are various
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
plans to deal with nicely with the
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 from the authorities in stricter laws and promoting pubic
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay provides a complete response to the task, addressing both the effects of traffic congestion and potential solutions. However, the ideas could be developed further with more detailed explanations and additional relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
While the ideas are logically presented, the transitions between paragraphs can be smoother to improve the overall flow of the essay. Also, there are some minor errors in word choice and grammar that can be addressed.
task response
The essay effectively outlines both the negative effects of traffic congestion on individuals and society as well as potential solutions to mitigate these issues.
coherence cohesion
Both an introduction and a conclusion are present, providing a clear structure to the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • congestion
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • idling vehicles
  • greenhouse gases
  • urban sprawl
  • road rage
  • leisure activities
  • economic consequences
  • productivity
  • public transportation
  • emissions
  • quality of life
  • fuel consumption
  • environmental damage
  • stress and anxiety
What to do next:
Look at other essays: