IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

With the widespread use of the internet , more people choose to work from home . Do the advantages of this trends oughtweigh the disadvantage?

#internet #people #work #home #trends #oughtweigh
The usage of the internet is increasing at an alarming rate
as a result
people
 prefer to work inside as compared to outside.
Although
 virtual work makes the individual lethargic,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that the advantages of
this
 trend
outstrip
Verb problem
outweigh
show examples
 the disadvantages because it saves travel
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
as well as
time
.
According to
 the positive aspects, the primary benefit is that it can save money and
time
.Most
people
 waste their
time
 and money
while
 travelling. Individuals can utilize their precious
time
 and wealth on other commodities, including purchasing necessary items for their home and learning new skills.
Therefore
, they can rid of rush hours
while
 communicating, resulting in to reduction the stress levels. Another worth-mentioning advantage is that home workers can allocate their
time
 to their family members.It is beneficial for them to share their feelings and knowledge with them.In India,
for instance
,
instead
 of spending hours at the office ,
people
 prefer to spend with their loved ones. Despite the aforementioned positives, its negative aspects cannot be overlooked.Hybrid workers adopt
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sedentary lifestyle which causes various health maladies ranging from obesity to depression.The primary reason is that they disconnect from
people
 and make fewer friends which is only possible in in-person and prefer to sit at home
instead
 of indulging themselves in other curriculum activities. To recapitulate ,
although
 online work brings numerous benefits
such
 as making life convenient by saving
time
 and money, its drawbacks can't be overlooked.
Submitted by kaurjassipreet96 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to further elaborate on the negative aspects of working from home, providing more specific examples and evidence to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the flow between sentences and paragraphs to ensure smoother transitions. This will help make your argument easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing are present. Consider reviewing vocabulary usage and sentence structure to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly introduces the topic and provides a stance.
task achievement
The essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages, demonstrating a balanced view.
task achievement
There are some relevant examples provided to support the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: