IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

These days it is much easier for many people to travel to different countries for tourism than in the past.  Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?  Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  Write at least 250 words.

#people #travel #countries #tourism #development
There are many attractive
places
 around the world, so many people travel to see
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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places
 and enjoy
it's
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their
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 significant sights, and try to keep
a good memories
Correct the article-noun agreement
good memories
a good memory
show examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 these
places
.
However
, not all the effects of
this
 innovation have been positive,
although
, visiting different
places
 has brought many benefits as well. There are some drawbacks to travelling to different countries for tourism. A common criticism of travelling abroad is that travelling in groups will cause
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
damage
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the environment ,
consequently
, tourism will have
a bad effects
Correct the article-noun agreement
a bad effect
bad effects
show examples
 on
wild life
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wildlife
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and animals.
For instance
,
recentaly
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recently
, some countries started cutting trees and forests and
replace
Wrong verb form
replacing
show examples
 them with hotels and
skyscrabers
Correct your spelling
skyscrapers
,
also
the
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they
show examples
build
Wrong verb form
have built
show examples
 many restaurants and cafes
eside
Correct your spelling
on
 beaches,
this
 will lead to
a
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an
show examples
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
disastor
Correct your spelling
disaster
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the end. Another disadvantage is that most
Correct your spelling
attractive
atractive
Correct your spelling
attractive
 cities become a direction for tourists,
although
, they
became
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become
show examples
 so crowded, so it is hard for locals to live there Despite these negatives, there are some advantages as well. One
such
 advantage is that
Correct article usage
the loacal
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loacal
Correct your spelling
local
 economy will improve
regardng
Correct your spelling
regarding
 to big
numbers
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number
show examples
 of tourists who are visiting
this
 city.
In other words
, when many tourists visit a place they can improve their economy by providing jobs, and it is good for business
also
,
such
 as restaurants, hotels, and
taxi
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taxis
show examples
. Another positive aspect can be is that when you visit a new place
wou
Correct your spelling
you
 will learn some language from them, and you will try to adapt to their culture and traditions. In conclusion,
while
 there
some
Add a missing verb
are some
show examples
 drawbacks to travelling to new
places
, there are many benefits as well.
Submitted by waleed.edu11 on

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task achievement
Ensure to provide clear and well-elaborated examples to support the points made. This adds depth to your essay and helps clarify your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay needs a stronger overall structure. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea that is supported by evidence and discussions.
task achievement
The introduction sets the stage, clearly stating the topic and providing a general overview.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points, providing a clear ending to the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • boost local economies
  • cultural exchange
  • mutual understanding
  • environmental degradation
  • deforestation
  • overcrowding
  • commodification
  • authentic cultural experiences
  • revenue
  • perspective
  • globalization
  • sustainable tourism
  • heritage sites
  • local customs
  • appreciation of diversity
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