IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion. You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #people #time #activities #children #parents
Some people believe that leisure activities for
kids
 should be picked by
parents
. Others think that
kids
 should be free to choose what they want to do in their free time. Both points are understandable enough to be discussed. On the one hand,
parents
 should pick their young
children'
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 hobbies, as some people say, because
parents
 know better what is good for them. Many adults can
also
 see from the other perspective what their child does the greatest and would ask them to not abandon it so they do not lose their incredible talent.
On the other hand
, it is not the best decision to compel
kids
 to like something,
such
 as a hobby their
parents
 gave up when they were younger. Toddlers are supposed to have a happy childhood with many great memories, it is
also
 quite interesting to see them adore something more
over
Change preposition
than
show examples
 other stuff. People should develop
Correct article usage
a senses
show examples
senses
Fix the agreement mistake
sense
show examples
 of freedom in their children from youth, whether it is just a choice between two meals or their leisure
acitivity
Correct your spelling
activity
 options. In my opinion, it is great to balance
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between both opinions and let your child have the opportunity to choose from time to time,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it is always important to think rationally and be able to refuse if the child's demand exceeds the capacity of
parents
. In conclusion, both methods should exist in
kids
' lives without giving in to either side, adults have to keep in
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
minds
Fix the agreement mistake
mind
show examples
 that they too were once toddlers and they all had their desires and dreams.
Submitted by dulskywork on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the task, addressing both viewpoints and providing your own opinion. However, the discussion could be more balanced by elaborating further on each point.
coherence cohesion
While the essay generally flows well, there are areas where transitions between ideas could be smoother. Consider using more linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas.
task achievement
Your essay includes clear and comprehensive ideas, but adding more relevant and specific examples would strengthen your arguments. Examples help to illustrate your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the discussion. This helps to set the context and wrap up your arguments.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear and understandable, which is crucial for a high IELTS score.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: