IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people regard the increasing business and cultural contact between countries as a positive development. Others, however, feel that this will lead to the loss of national identities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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People
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 have different views on whether the increasing
econommical
Correct your spelling
economical
economic
 and cultural contact between
countries
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 is effective or it may lead to
loss
Correct article usage
a loss
show examples
 of national values. In my opinion, as long as
people
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 value their own
culture
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 these connections with foreign
countries
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 will only lead to improvements in both
culture
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 and
business
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. These relations between
countries
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 can have positive impacts on their
economics
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economies
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 and
culture
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. In
case
Correct article usage
the case
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 of
business
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, governments can buy products that are rare in their country and sell their self-produced products.
For example
Linking Words
, nowadays you can find all kinds of agricultural products all around the world regardless of whether the area is suitable for planting that kind of
fruite
Correct your spelling
fruit
 or vegetable,
this
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 is a result of these
business
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 contacts. With
tradings
Replace the word
trade
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, governments can provide various facilities, from food to all kinds of technology, to ease their
citizens
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citizens'
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 living so in today's world geographical
constraint
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constraints
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 shouldn't prevent
people
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 from living a comfortable life. Now we are going to examine cultural impacts, to be honest not all traditions are correct and valuable. Some traditions are there just because of the lack of knowledge that
are
Correct your spelling
our
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 ancestors had or the restricted situations of those days.
For instance
Linking Words
, in some
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countries
Add a comma
countries,
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 it is believed that black cat brings bad luck. Being able to get familiar with other
cultures
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 may help us to find the weaknesses in our
culture
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 and we can improve it so not only we can learn to respect other
cultures
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 we can
improve
Rephrase
also improve
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 ours.
On the other hand
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, if we are going to be totally mesmerized with foreign
cultures
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 it can lead to loss of our national identities.
This
Linking Words
 problem somehow has happened around the world.
For example
Linking Words
, nowadays you don't see
people
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 wear their national
customes
Correct your spelling
customs
 to work or regular ceremonies, they only may wear them in traditional ceremonies.
This
Linking Words
 can be a result of cultural contacts,
people
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 don't want to seem odd to other nations so they try to dress regularly and put their
nationatl
Correct your spelling
national
cutomes
Correct your spelling
customers
customer
 aside. To remedy these issues, it is useful to teach children from
early
Correct article usage
an early
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ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 about their national identities and how important it is to preserve
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. So
knowning
Correct your spelling
knowing
 other
cultures
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 is useful but paying too much
attentions
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attention
show examples
 to
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 can cause
harms
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harm
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. In conclusion, having
business
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 and cultural
contanct
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contact
 with other
countries
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 can improve our living if it is managed properly and
people
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 are
teached
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taught
show examples
 well to value their national identities,
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otherwise
Add a comma
otherwise,
show examples
 it can harm our cultural values.

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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, it is essential to introduce more specific examples and detailed explanations to support your main points. This will showcase your ability to link ideas with concrete evidence.
task achievement
Work on avoiding grammatical inaccuracies and refining your word choice. Minor errors in spelling and word choice can slightly detract from clarity and professional tone.
coherence cohesion
You should aim to structure your paragraphs more effectively by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central idea and well-supported arguments.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly outlines the two perspectives on this topic, setting up the discussion very well.
task achievement
You have used relevant examples to illustrate your points, which helps in explaining your views clearly.
logical structure
The essay has a logical flow and is easy to follow, which makes your arguments more persuasive.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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