IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

A close relative of yours is having a birthday lunch next week, but you know you will be working. Write a letter to your boss or supervisor to ask for some time off. In your letter, – explain the situation and why you particularly want to attend the lunch – specify the dates, times, and amount of time off you will need – offer to work late or come in early, another time to make up for the time

#close #birthday #lunch #week #boss #supervisor #time #situation #dates #times #amount #offer #work
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Dear Sir! I'm writing to ask to take a
day
Use synonyms
 off. Next week I wish to celebrate my sister's
birthday
Use synonyms
 with my family so I want a little break for one
day
Use synonyms
. You know I have only a sister and she is very important to me. I can't miss her first
birthday
Use synonyms
 at work. When I missed her
birthday
Use synonyms
, she Wil was very angry with me. I wish to celebrate her
birthday
Use synonyms
 party next week on Saturday lunch because
this
Linking Words
day
Use synonyms
 she doesn't go
kindergarten
Change preposition
to kindergarten
show examples
 and all of my family members will be free on
this
Linking Words
day
Use synonyms
.
To
Change preposition
At
show examples
this
Linking Words
party
Add a comma
party,
show examples
 my close relatives will come and I invite you to
this
Linking Words
 lunch. You can come with your wife and children. We will wait for all the guests at 12:00 am. When you give me a time break,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will go to work next Saturday and Sunday
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 complete my time break
day
Use synonyms
's work and
this
Linking Words
 agreement I will
grateful
Add a missing verb
be grateful
show examples
 to you. You can connect with me on your phone. I hope you
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 my phone number. I look forward to hearing from you. Go'zal
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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suitable writing tone
Ensure the tone remains formal and polite throughout. In the opening, consider 'Dear [Title] [Last Name],' instead of 'Dear Sir!'.
complete response
Revise sentences for clarity and avoid grammatical errors. For example, instead of 'When I missed her birthday, she Wil was very angry with me,' write 'When I missed her birthday in the past, she was very upset.'
complete response
Maintain consistent tense. Instead of 'I wish to celebrate her birthday party next week on Saturday lunch,' write 'I wish to celebrate her birthday party next Saturday during lunch.'
single idea per paragraph
Improve paragraph separation to present each idea clearly. Discuss attending the event in one paragraph, then address the make-up work in a separate one.
logical structure
Add transitions to improve flow, such as 'Furthermore,' or 'Additionally,' to connect ideas seamlessly.
complete response
The letter covers all the necessary points and provides relevant details about the request.
suitable writing tone
The intention to make up for the missed work is clearly communicated, showing responsibility.
logical structure
Inviting the boss to the celebration adds a personal touch and fosters good employee-supervisor relations.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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