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Band 5

People in some countries owning a home rather than renting one is considered very important. Why might this be the case? Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #countries #home #be #case #development
A number of individuals prefer to purchase their own home
instead
 of taking on rent.
Although
 limited space and financial instability are the major factors that compel
to
Correct pronoun usage
me to
show examples
 live in a personal place , I believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. To commence with, living in a rental flat could not provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental peace in case of any breakdown and sudden damage put
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high stress as accidents are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parts of life, and sometimes there is no evidence of
such
 events , and the consequences are families have to face financial difficulties.
Moreover
, a majority of folks could not arrange the heavy
bank notes
Correct your spelling
banknotes
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 on a monthly basis,
besides
 that they have
also
 submitted
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
security dues as well which puts a burden on their shoulders .
Thus
, having their own dream home becomes the main objective of their goals.
In addition
, with the advancement in time, people have different priorities
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some favour
to sustain in
Change the verb form
sustaining
show examples
 a nuclear family ,
whereas
 some take benefits in the extended system. In more apartments , several rooms are connected in a row and no free space to utilize some useful purposes which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
also
 a big barrier to organising some festivals like birthdays , anniversaries and others.
Furthermore
, restricted environments cause a breach of privacy and several students could not find a free room for preparation exams. In conclusion, staying for many years in other properties could not
impart
Verb problem
be
show examples
 trouble-free in saving money and a
little
Correct word choice
small
show examples
 area of accommodation causes leaking personal matters.
Submitted by iqrariaz54 on

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task achievement
Your response addresses the prompt, but some of your ideas could be more fully developed. For example, while you mention financial instability and space as reasons for owning a home, more specific examples and details could help clarify these points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay does have a clear structure, but some of your paragraphs could flow more smoothly. For instance, the transition between discussing mental peace and financial issues could be more fluid. Consider using more transitional phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument effectively.
logical structure
You have managed to organize your main points into separate paragraphs, which is a good approach to structuring your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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