Studies have shown that most criminals have low levels of education. Because of this many believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate prisoners so they can get a job after being released. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Education
is a corner stone
of building any healthy structured community and increasing Correct your spelling
cornerstone
Correct article usage
the nations
nations
welfare. Since the Change noun form
nation's
researches
affirmed that there is a negative relationship between Correct your spelling
researchers
education
and crime levels, as these to
variables are moving in different directions. These results made a lot of Correct your spelling
two
people
think that,
the most effective way to lower the crime level is to focus on prisoners’ Remove the comma
apply
education
and learning curve which will help them to work after being free. I strongly agree with this
view, because education
represents a worthy investment
which will improve the communities’ economic profile and enhance nations’ quality of life.
In developed countries, governments know that education
is kind
of Correct article usage
a kind
investment
in people
and pays the highest return in the long term compared to investing in other assets by decreasing the unemployment rate and increasing the national income. Since criminals
are representing
a part of Wrong verb form
represent
country’s
human capital, the governments should Correct article usage
the country’s
increase
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
investment
in them by
Change preposition
through
education
to reduce unemployment
rate. Add an article
the unemployment
Furthermore
, the crime level decrease means an increase
in tourism and foreign investment
as they feel safe on
Change preposition
in
them
selfies and their investments, which will Correct pronoun usage
their
increase
the country’s gross domestic product (GDP).
However
, the education
of criminals
will enhance the society’s quality of life by increasing national
security level and Correct article usage
the national
connects
the different community segments with each other in a healthy civilized way. In my experience, Wrong verb form
connecting
education
protect
the country from a lot of threats inside and outside like terrorism, which will Change the verb form
protects
increase
the
national security. Correct article usage
apply
Furthermore
, criminals
are feeling they are isolated from the people
and disconnected after they released
as they have been judged Add a missing verb
are released
from
everyone. Change preposition
by
Thus
, education
will help them to reconnected
with the Wrong verb form
reconnect
people
, learn from their mistakes and integrated
with Wrong verb form
integrate
the
society.
Correct article usage
apply
To conclude
, criminals
are humans who should deserve a second chance through
investing in their Change preposition
by
education
in order to enhance nation’s
economic welfare and Correct article usage
the nation’s
people
quality of life.Change noun form
people's
Submitted by Mido on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
The essay generally covers the task well, providing a clear stance and supporting arguments. However, including more specific examples and studies to support your arguments would strengthen your response. For instance, referencing specific education programs in prisons that have had measurable success would add credibility.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally well-organized, there are a few areas where clarity could be improved. For example, in the second paragraph, the phrase 'as they feel safe on them selfies and their investments' is unclear and could be rephrased for better comprehension. Additionally, phrases like 'researches affirmed' would be better as 'research has affirmed'. These revisions will help make your points clearer and more impactful.
task achievement
Your introduction presents a clear position on the topic and outlines your main arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion nicely encapsulates the main points of your argument and reinforces your stance on the issue of educating prisoners.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!