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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

with the advancement of knowledge and research in organic chemistry, people now are able to create different flavours and food additives that never existed before. what are benefits and drawbacks of such development?

#advancement #research #chemistry #people #flavours #food #additives #development
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Nowadays individuals may make diverse kinds of flavours and edible chemical additives by virtue of improvement in knowledge.
Although
 it depicts advantages,
such
 as showing advancement in research and
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in
types
foods
Change preposition
of foods
show examples
 , it is likely to
cause
 several handicaps , namely
replacement
Add an article
the replacement
show examples
 of organic dishes and causing particular
types
 of issues to health. Creating new
types
 of flavours illustrates the enhancement of scrutiny. In the past humankind was not able to even realize the product whether it is edible or not .
Nevertheless
, time by time as every field is being improved , the diversity of dishes
being
Add a missing verb
is being
show examples
 ameliorated.
Moreover
, it does not only demonstrate the advancement of it
,
Add the word(s)
, but
show examples
also
 benefits in rising
types
 of meals. People will be able to have more opportunities to select the food which is suitable for their preferences.
For instance
, a great number of tourists are keen on visiting the cuisine of China as
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of different new
foods
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
revising
Verb problem
rising
show examples
 upwards which enables country authorities to obtain more attraction and
also
 income.
Nonetheless
,
this
 way is likely to have
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 detrimental impact on
Correct article usage
the comsumption
show examples
comsumption
Correct your spelling
consumption
 of organic
foods
 which allows individuals to treat their well-being
appropiately
Correct your spelling
appropriately
. People might change their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 maintaining
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle when the number of different flavoured
foods
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
upholding
Wrong verb form
upheld
show examples
.
Furthermore
, edible additives which provide access to creating more
types
 of flavour are likely to lead
significant
Change preposition
to significant
show examples
 illnesses. Only when new things are being made, can they
cause
 new diseases.
For example
, some researchers
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 field
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 shown that chemical additives might influence
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every part of
body
Add an article
the body
show examples
 and
cause
unexpecting
Correct your spelling
unexpected
show examples
 new sicknesses. In conclusion, though it depicts the development of investigation and allows
making
Correct article usage
the making
show examples
different
Change preposition
of different
show examples
types
 of
foods
, it can
cause
 some downsides relating to
extinction
Correct article usage
the extinction
show examples
 of usage of organic
foods
 and leading
particular
Change preposition
to particular
show examples
types
 of health threats.
Submitted by akbopeadilbek on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a clearer organizational structure. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically to the next.
task achievement
Work on your grammar and syntactic control to reduce errors. This can help enhance the readability of your essay.
task achievement
While you provided examples, they could be more specific and directly related to the points you are making. Make sure your examples clearly support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a well-defined introduction and conclusion which clearly state the topic and summarize your argument.
task achievement
You have made a complete response to the task, addressing both the benefits and drawbacks of the development.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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