IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Not enough students around the world choose to study science subjects at university. What are the reasons for this? What impact does this issue have on society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There are an insufficient
number
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 of
students
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 who choose to
enroll
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enrol
show examples
 in scientific
courses
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 at
university
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.
This
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 is
due to
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 the effects some of these
subjects
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 may have on
individual’s
Correct article usage
an individual’s
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lifesyle
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lifestyle
 and career opportunities. The result of
this
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occurence
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occurrence
 is
detremintal
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detrimental
 to the future of
science
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 and social stability.
Science
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courses
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 are often challenging to
students
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due to
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 long training programs and the struggles it present on maintaining a balance between personal life and work. One example that demonstrates these challenges is medical
courses
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. Medical
students
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 spend between 6 to 8 years at
university
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 to complete their basic medical degree. During
this
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 time,
students
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 may find it difficult to engage in other social aspects or dedicate some time to work part-time jobs to support themselves financially. It is not surprising,
therefore
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, that a large
number
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 of
university
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students
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 choose
subjects
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 that are less demanding,
such
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 as business and finance, where
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 can get a much more flexible schedule and spare time.
Moreover
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, some scientific
subjects
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 may be too
specilized
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specialized
specialised
 that graduates can only work in
handful
Correct article usage
a handful
show examples
job
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of job
show examples
 sectors, which
present
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presents
show examples
 a highly competitive environment for job seekers and limited vacancies for their speciality.
This
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 phenomenon can impair society in the long term in a
number
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 of ways. As more
students
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 avoid pursuing careers in scientific fields,
science
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 development and
researches
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research
show examples
 will
be stagnating
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stagnate
show examples
.
Furthermore
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, the low
number
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 of
students
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 enrolled in scientific
courses
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 creates an alarming shortage in many crucial job sectors
such
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 as doctors and nurses, which puts pressure on the healthcare system and
impact
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impacts
show examples
 the quality of
health care
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healthcare
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 provided by medical personnel.
This
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 can
also
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creates
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create
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 an
increase
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increased
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 demand and stress on medical staff which may
further
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 deter
students
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 from pursuing a career in the healthcare sector. In conclusion, the rise in
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number
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a number
the number
show examples
 of
university
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trainess
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trainees
 choosing
subjects
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 other than
science
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 may impact society negatively. Authorities should address
this
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 alarming issue and find
way
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ways
show examples
 to recruit more
students
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 into scientific
courses
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.

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task achievement
The essay addresses the key components of the prompt by discussing the reasons why students might avoid science subjects and the impact on society. However, there could be more specific and varied examples to further illustrate the points made. Providing more concrete data or personal anecdotes could strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are minor issues with transitions between some points that could be smoother. Using more linking words and phrases can improve the flow of the writing.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are effectively present. Just ensure that each paragraph neatly transitions and connects back to the main thesis to maintain structural coherence.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the task with a logical discussion on why students may not choose science subjects and the resulting societal impacts.
coherence cohesion
The writing maintains a logical structure with distinct paragraphs for each main idea.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, summarizing the main points without repetition.
task achievement
The points made are comprehensive and cover the prompt adequately.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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