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Band 6.5

The graph below shows the different goods sold by techcom shop centre in dubai from 2009 to 2014

The graph below shows the different goods sold by techcom shop centre in dubai from 2009 to 2014
#goods #techcom #shop #centre #dubai
They provided
line
Correct article usage
a line
show examples
 chart
illustrates
Wrong verb form
illustrating
show examples
 the
sales
 of items, namely laptops,iPhones and iPads in
Techom
Correct article usage
the Techom
show examples
 shop centre in Dubai between 2009 to 2014.
Overall
, by having a cursory glance
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the line chart, it can be clearly seen that
sales
 of laptops showed a
sharply
Change the adverb
sharp
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 increase,
then
Correct article usage
a rapidly
show examples
rapidly
Change the word
rapid
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 decline in the same period. In 2009, the number of
sales
 for laptops and iPhones
a ccounted
Correct your spelling
accounted
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 400 and 450 respectively.
Then
, the figure of goods
sales
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
experienced
dramatic
Add an article
a dramatic
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 rise from 2010 to 2013 approximately 950.
However
, it
witness
Wrong verb form
witnessed
show examples
 it declined until about 320.
Moreover
,
iPhones
Change the noun form
iPhone
show examples
 items
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been remained
stradily
Correct your spelling
steadily
 from 2009 to 2011 around 400 .After that, it showed a fluctuation until 2013 about 200.
Then
, it witnessed no
changed
Change the form of the verb
change
show examples
 in 2014. Turning to the
ipads
Correct your spelling
iPads
show examples
, there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 a fluctuation in the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of goods
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
sold from 2009 to 2013 around 100 to 200.
Then
, it climbed rapidly until 2014 about 300.
Submitted by khulood.92 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rapidly" was used 2 times.
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