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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the employment rates of the 25 to 34-year and 55 to 64-year-old population according to the highest level of education attained in two separate years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the employment rates of the 25 to 34-year and 55 to 64-year-old population according to the highest level of education attained in two separate years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#employment #rates #-year #population #level #education #two #years #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The given graph illustrates the employment values of the 25 to 34
years
 and 55 to 64
years
 old people based
to
Change preposition
on
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 the topest level of education attained in two different
years
.
Overall
, it can be seen that 2015 is higher than 2005 in every sector. Looking at the 25-34
years
 data sets, It is evident that below upper secondary students got 62%
Change preposition
of job
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 in 2005 but it
exprienced
Correct your spelling
experienced
 little
deacres
Correct your spelling
decrease
 in 2015 amount was 57%.
Upper
Correct article usage
The upper
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seceondary
Correct your spelling
secondary
 rate was nearly 80% and
its
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it
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also
follow
Wrong verb form
followed
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 the
semilar
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similar
 trend in 2015,
was
Correct pronoun usage
which was
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 about 73%.
Post secondary
Add a hyphen
Post-secondary
show examples
 no-
teriary
Correct your spelling
tertiary
 and
teritary
Correct your spelling
tertiary
territory
 were the top
value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
show examples
 in
this
 graph. nearly 85% in 2005 and
reamained
Correct your spelling
remained
 same at 2015, respectively. Looking at the 55-64
years
 data sets,
It is clear that
 below upper secondary students got 40%
Change preposition
of job
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 in 2005 but in 2015 it increased
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 nearly 50.
Upper
Correct article usage
The upper
show examples
seceondary
Correct your spelling
secondary
 is the
avarage
Correct your spelling
average
 rate in
this
 graph
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 was 55 in 2005 but in 2015 it
feel
Wrong verb form
felt
show examples
little
Correct article usage
a little
show examples
 higher about 60%.
Post secondary
Add a hyphen
Post-secondary
show examples
 no-
teriary
Correct your spelling
tertiary
 and
teritary
Correct your spelling
tertiary
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 not higher than
younger
Add an article
the younger
show examples
 group
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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respectively, 60%,
61
Correct word choice
and 61
show examples
% in 2005
at the end
 year 2015,
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
 was 62% and 67.
Submitted by belmontsy01 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "sets" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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