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Band 5

Many people nowadays fo not feel safe either when they are at home or go out. What are the reasons and what can be done to solve this problem?

#people #fo #home
There is no denying the fact that
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
people
feels
Correct subject-verb agreement
feel
show examples
 less
secured
Wrong verb form
secure
show examples
 all around ,both at their houses or when they move around.In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will be discussing the causes behind
this
 feeling and propose solutions for it.
To begin
 with, there are many reasons why
people
 do not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
feel safe.
Firstly
, the wide spread of criminal levels among
people
, because of increasing numbers of
psycological
Correct your spelling
psychological
 disorders and
wide spread
Correct your spelling
widespread
show examples
 of
dissrupted
Correct your spelling
disrupted
 games among youngers. In
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 words,
people
 with mental disorders may do things they are not aware of.
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
aggresive
Correct your spelling
aggressive
 games tend to have bad
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 thoughts and behaviours.
For example
 , many criminal accidents tend to have
relation
Add an article
a relation
show examples
 with video games or patients with mental problems. In terms of proposed solutions for
people
 to feel more secure ,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that we need to raise
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 awareness of
self protection
Add a hyphen
self-protection
show examples
 methods either at home or outside.
Firstly
 at home, they can put alarms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 doors ,
in
addition
Add the comma(s)
addition,
show examples
 they can illustrate cameras for more protection and security, they should avoid going to
un secured
Correct your spelling
unsecured
show examples
 places
specialy
Correct your spelling
especially
specially
 at night time .
Moreover
, the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should put more restrictions on weapon purchases in order to limit their spread.
For example
, in many
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 the criminal level significantly decreased after
govermental ristrictions
Correct your spelling
governmental restrictions
 and
awairness
Correct your spelling
awareness
campaighns
Correct your spelling
campaigns
. In conclusion,there is no
denaying
Correct your spelling
denying
show examples
taht
Correct your spelling
that
people
 feel
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
 less
secured
Wrong verb form
secure
show examples
 because of
high
Add an article
the high
a high
show examples
 level of
criminals
Replace the word
crime
show examples
. But there is
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of work that can be done to return back the feeling of security around.
Submitted by hazarbakhit on

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language
Work on improving sentence structure and avoiding run-on sentences. For example, use conjunctions and punctuation to separate ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to better illustrate your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more relatable.
coherence
Improve the coherence by better linking your paragraphs and sentences. This can be achieved by using transitional phrases and ensuring a smooth flow of ideas.
introduction/conclusion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which help to frame your essay effectively.
task achievement
You have addressed the task by discussing both the causes and solutions related to safety concerns.
logical structure
Your essay covers multiple perspectives, including psychological factors and government responsibility, providing a well-rounded analysis.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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