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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

With the increasing demand for energy sources of oil and gas, people should look for sources of oil and gas in remote and untouched natural places. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages of damaging such areas？

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The growing demand for
oil
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 and
gas
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 will lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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exploitation in distant and untouched places. There are more disadvantages related to
this
Linking Words
 problem than
the
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apply
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advantages since it would pose serious damage to the environment regardless of the potential benefit that humans gain
Linking Words
such
Change preposition
from such
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 natural fuel at a lower
cost
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. On the one hand, drilling remote areas for
oil
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 and
gas
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 comes with
the
Correct article usage
an
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 incredible
cost
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of
Change preposition
to
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 the environment, which has extensive harm
on
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to
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 wild plants and animals.
In other words
Linking Words
, extracting
such
Linking Words
 natural resources will lead to the loss of nature as
people
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 cut down more trees, promoting environmental pollution.
For instance
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, the global temperature is expected to rise with the disappearance of trees whose photosynthesis converts polluted CO2 into clean oxygen, which drops the temperature.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the environmental destruction in extensive areas makes the Earth more hostile to live, causing more
death
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deaths
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 of humans
as well as
Linking Words
 wild species as they are not able to adapt to
such
Linking Words
 a sudden change.
On the other hand
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, the extraction of
oil
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 and
gas
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 in untouched places is beneficial to humans as they are more easily available at a lower
cost
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. Indeed, more supply of natural fuel will reduce its price, which encourages
people
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 to take advantage of them to promote their lifestyle as they are able to heat their houses in winter and use
gas
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 for cooking meals and boiling water
to
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for
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 their needs.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the growing use of patrol and
gas
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also
Linking Words
 encourages economic activities as more
people
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 travel by vehicles and transport goods from one place to another.
Thus
Linking Words
, drilling
oil
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 in distant places is significant in increasing
comfort
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the comfort
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 of
people
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 and stimulating
economy
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the economy
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. In conclusion, extracting natural resources should be prevented
due to
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 the
diadvantage
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disadvantages
 that
outweighs
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outweigh
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 the
advantage
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advantages
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, considering the huge
cost
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 imposed on nature, which results in rising
temperature
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temperatures
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 and
disappearance
Correct article usage
the disappearance
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 of animals.
Although
Linking Words
people
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 are able to have a higher quality of life
due to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
easy access to them, preserving the environment should be prioritized.

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task achievement
Work on providing more varied and specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the transition between paragraphs is smoother by using linking words and phrases.
task achievement
Refine the clarity of some sentences to avoid confusion and ensure all ideas are easily understood.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and well-organized structure, including a strong introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
Main points are well-supported and relevant to the overall argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • energy sources
  • industrial growth and development
  • economic benefits
  • job creation
  • revenues
  • technological advancements
  • extraction process
  • biodiversity
  • natural habitats
  • indigenous communities
  • displacement
  • traditional way of life
  • environmental disasters
  • oil spills
  • long-lasting effects
  • widespread effects
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