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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. T1 Bar Charts - EducationT

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. T1 Bar Charts - EducationT
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The previous bar charts illustrate the number of
women
 and
men
 who attended part-time or full-time higher
education
 in England during three different years.
Overall
, it can be clearly seen that at the beginning of the period (1970), there were more male students attending full-time
education
 than females. The same figure is shown for part-time
education
,
however
, the number of both genders is much lower.
In addition
,
although
at the end
 of the period (1990), female students attending full-time
education
 showed a higher number than
men
, both genders showed a similar figure for part-time
education
. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, in 1970, full-time male students showcased a higher figure than females at around 1000.
Nevertheless
,
although
 the rates were quite low, opposite data was recorded for part-time
education
 with a higher rate of
men
 (at around 100) than
women
 (at around 30). A slightly different pattern occurred in 1980, with more full-time and fewer part-time male learners than
women
 in the same year.
On the other hand
,
at the end
 of the period in 1990,
women
 exhibited their highest attendance rate for full-time at around 1100,
while
men
 depicted a lower one at around 900.
In contrast
, for part-time
education
women
 and
men
 demonstrated a similar rate of around 200.
Submitted by nila.hiperu on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although, at the end".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words women, men, education with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 6 times.
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