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Writing Samples
Band 5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes relatively large number of young adults, comparedd with the number of the older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the advantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #comparedd #people #situation
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Nowadays, in some countries, there is a large number of young
people
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 in comparison with the count of older
people
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.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the young
generation
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 is more interested in
technologies
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 that are developing more and more now, and because of
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 they will adapt faster to the future.
Also
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,
this
Linking Words
 large count of younger
population
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 may
cause
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unemployment
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. The main advantage of the younger
generation
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 is that they are learning and adapting to
technologies
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 faster which are improving every day. In the future, there will be more complicated
technologies
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 that will be hard to understand for older
people
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,
while
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 the younger
generation
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 will understand
fast
Rephrase
quickly
show examples
 how that works or how to fix it.
For example
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, my grandfather cannot understand how to transfer money from one account to another, meanwhile, my nephew being 6 years can do it easily.
Furthermore
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, in the future large young adult
population
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 may
cause
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unemployment
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. There are many workplaces for
people
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 and because of the large
population
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 of young
people
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 there would not remain any job vacation
then
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 some
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 of them will remain as unemployed.
For example
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, in China, there is 25 per cent of unemployed
people
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 because there is a big
population
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 and limited job vacations.
Besides
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this
Linking Words
 young
generation
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 can create new professions that bond with
technologies
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 to get rid of
unemployment
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. In conclusion, the young
generation
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 has a good understanding the technology, but in fact of large count of
people
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 can
cause
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unemployment
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. By
this
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, I want to say that the young
population
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 may
cause
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unemployment
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, but they can use
technologies
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to
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
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 and help humanity
instead
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 of creating a problem.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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task achievement
Try to develop each idea more fully, offering additional analysis or examples. For instance, expanding on how technologies can specifically benefit different sectors or discussing other advantages or disadvantages beyond the two main points mentioned.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use linking words and phrases effectively to guide the reader through your argument. For example, 'Moreover,' instead of 'Furthermore' at the beginning of the third paragraph.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The main points are easy to follow.
task achievement
The examples provided (e.g., the grandfather and nephew, the unemployment rate in China) help to illustrate the points made.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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