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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Q. Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity.

#q #year #crime #rate #increases #rise #activity
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In recent times, criminal activities are becoming increasingly popular among people living across the globe.
This
 can be attributed to a number of reasons. And from my perspective, prompt actions from both the government and
individuals
, within the society, would be helpful in controlling
this
 disturbing trend. what are the causes of crime? The reasons as to why people commit crimes are countless,
however
, unemployment, drug (substance) abuse and individual social problems; top the list of major contributing factors.
Firstly
, in many countries across the
globe
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globe,
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 there are reasonably high rates of unemployment, especially in underdeveloped and developing countries.
As a result
, a significant number of these countries’
population
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populations
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 resort to illegal activities that include cybercrimes, drug trafficking,
theft
Correct word choice
and theft
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—in order to earn a living.
Secondly
, abuse of drugs and substances is another major reason for the rise in crimes.
Although
 there is little evidence regarding the relationship between to present surge in crimes and the abuse of drugs, anecdotal reports suggest that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of addicted
individuals
; especially youths, often indulge in activities that threaten public
tranquility
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tranquillity
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.
Also
, social problems from
individuals
 living within the society play a role in the crime rates of
such
community
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communities
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.
This
 is because
individuals
 with certain problems,
such
 as
a
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apply
show examples
poor
self esteem
Add a hyphen
self-esteem
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, mental depression or even a maladaptive coping mechanism to stress; tend to feel alienated from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, causing them to become aggressive or destructive to people around them.
Submitted by temibusari06 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt effectively, identifying key causes of crime such as unemployment, drug abuse, and social problems. To enhance your score, ensure you provide more specific examples or data to support your points better. This will make your arguments even more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured with a clear introduction and body paragraphs. However, adding a conclusion to summarize your points and suggest potential solutions would improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Using connecting words and phrases to link your ideas can enhance the flow of your essay. For example, using phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'Consequently,' or 'In addition' can help guide the reader through your arguments.
introduction
Your introduction is engaging and effectively outlines the essay's topic and your viewpoint.
supported main points
You have clearly identified and explained three primary causes of crime, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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